Friday, September 26, 2008

Are You Sure?

Welcome! I thank you for loving us enough to come and check this out. I feel this is the strangest place to find myself. Maybe some of you feel the same. I didn't even know what a blog was until several months ago. Then when I felt God leading me to begin this blog, He used the body of Christ, His word and His Holy Spirit to encourage me. One night while talking with my good friend, Jenifer Johnson, about all the ways God had been so good to us, she said out of the blue, "Have you ever thought of starting a blog?" I was too afraid to answer her. As I continued to pray and give the Lord all of my excuses, He kept pointing me in this direction. I had many questions. Like so many other things in my life, I began my “paralysis of analysis”. While I know to the many of you who do this "blog thing", this may sound silly but this has been a “mini” journey in Trusting God once again when things don’t seem to make sense. So it began like this:



Lord, are You sure? I feel so afraid. My feelings are still so raw. What if someone responds with something that hurts my feelings? He reminded me how from the beginning the Holy Spirit has covered all the words that have been spoken to us. A “stranger” that had lost an infant reached out to us in the first few days after Brock’s death. He told us to look past peoples’ words and into their hearts of intentions. The Holy Spirit has really used that to protect us. This has allowed words to minister to us in tremendous ways. Even people who would say they felt inadequate in what they had to say.



Lord, are You sure? What if people misunderstand what I am trying to say as I feel like expressing my thoughts clearly sometimes seems so difficult? What if they think wrong of me? He brought to my mind the scripture from Proverbs 29:19 “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”



Lord, are You sure? It has been seven months shouldn’t I have started earlier? How do I go back and tell the story? Don’t you like the way at first I said my feelings were still so raw and now I think it has been too long. Isn’t it funny the things we will come up with as excuses to not obey?!



Lord, are You sure? People might think that our grieving time is over. We have found ourselves in a huge new wave of grief. The change of seasons, school starting back, and the return of the autopsy have each taken their toll on all of us.



Lord, are You sure? Everyone has been so faithful to pray without this blog. He confirmed that the body of Christ is still praying for us and wants to know how specifically to pray. Recently in Sunday School, we shared a prayer request for our current ache. Several people stopped us to say how they so appreciated knowing how to pray for us now.



Lord, are You sure? I don’t even know how to set this up. Please send me someone to help. He answered with a sweet "new" friend Jamie Worley. She is a wonderful blogger and offered to help me with the layout, pictures and just understanding the entire setup lingo.



Lord, are You sure? I was beginning to recognize that I was running out of excuses as He had met each one with such faithfulness. Each Sunday our Pastor Bryant Wright has been preaching on God’s Chosen People and their Journey of Faith. I have learned so much. I often left the service feeling the Holy Spirit working in me. I was seeing myself like the Israelites continuing to argue and ask God questions when I felt Him saying “Be Quiet, Trust Me and Step out on faith.”



Lord, I am willing. One morning in my quiet time I was thanking the Lord specifically for sending Jamie. I told the Lord how I just wanted the blog to be all about Him and not about me. I want to gain nothing. I told Him I was willing if it were even just for the encouragement of one person in the Lord. You see until then I had not told Him I was willing. Then that afternoon, Jamie sent me a link to her blog where she had quoted something I said. Then one woman responded. She said she was encouraged. Wow!



This is just a glimpse of how the Lord has been so big and yet so intimate in my life in the past seven months. So, it is with much faith and pushed back fear that I am beginning this blog. It doesn't make much sense to me, but I have learned that is when I need to trust Him the most. I know God has His plans for this blog. I can't wait to be a part of what He is going to do. Thank you once again for joining us as we continue to live hard, love hard and run to Jesus on this journey.

12 comments:

jamie in rose cottage said...

Beautiful, Nita. Thanks for being willing to share your heart.

salinamillen said...

Thank you for blessing us with the truth in your heart Nita. We love you and are looking for ways to at least "be with you." (If I have posted this 25 times, plz forgive. This is my firt blog experience!)

Victoria said...

I have been praying that you would start a blog - and now my prayers are answered. Unfortunately, I think my prayers were mostly selfish in nature - I have learned so much from you and your family. But I do also pray that blogging will help you as you walk this journey you should not be on - I hope you know that people say things they don't mean because we are not good speakers and can't always think of the rihgt words to say. Just a few days ago one of Catherine's classmate's moms asked me "What is wrong with Catherine?" My first reaction was to scream at her "Nothing is WRONG with her - she is a beautiful creation of God." But I know that I don't want to be judged on every little statement that I make - so I overlooked the wording of her question and explained Catherine's medical history. I know that I have been insensitive to people by things I have said or not said - we are all flawed in that department. In any event, welcome to the blogging world and may you grow with this tool.

Lacey said...

I'm so glad I found this. I'm so glad I brought it up the other night at dinner so that I knew to look for it. I think about Brock all the time and always wonder how to pray. I will never forget him or you guys. I miss him..every wednesday especially. I can't wait to see him again. I always know that whatever I'm feeling you are feeling times a million but I wanted you to know that in a very small measure, I feel it.

Henley on the Horn said...

Nita, I started a blog this summer and am so thrilled you have started one. Beth shared the link with me. I continue to pray for you and think of you all all of the time. May the Lord bless you as you share your heart. I believe He will!

Rhonda said...

Dear Nita,

I am so glad that you have started a blog. I want to keep up with you and your family, and although I love the occasional hug in the hallway at church, I also want to know more about your journey. I think the blog is a great way to share. Just a few days ago I found myself counting out the months on my fingers when Brock went to be with Jesus. It's so good to see the precious picture of all of you in the pumpkin patch. Thanks for sharing that special memory. Love, Rhonda

Alix Cloud said...

Nita-As you ALWAYS tell me, "Thank you for your obedience."! What a beautiful start to something amazing~ Love you, Alix

Beth said...

Nita,
Your honesty is beautiful. We miss Brockie and love all of you. I thank you for letting me walk this journey with you.
I love you,
Beth

Rebecca said...

You are a blessing to everyone around you, thanks for being willing to share.
Love you! Rebecca

EllaBella Photo Card Designs said...

Oh sweet Nita...
Thank you for sharing. We continue you to lift you and your family up in prayer!
We love you,
Kerry, Megan, & Ella Reeder

Elli Heaton said...

Nita, thank you for opening the depths of your heart and being willing to share.....I pray this will be an incredible blessing/encouragement to you even more than it will be to others, as it has been even to me tonight....

ladybirdjohnson said...

All I can say is....FINALLY!!!!! I Love you!!!!!!!