Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Ouch That Hurt!

Being the Southern girl that I am, I would be amiss if I did not make reference to the Georgia Bulldogs whoopin' by the Alabama Crimson Tide. It was ugly. We were there with the boys all dressed in black for the Blackout. With the boys' own football schedules, we knew that this would be the only game that we could attend. We had planned it for awhile.

As last week came to a close, I found myself not wanting to go. I felt so heavy with emotion. I told Drew I was just feeling behind, so maybe I would let him go and take the boys. I would stay home and catch up on the endless piles. The only thing that kept me still going was that we would get to tailgate and sit with my parents. We haven't seen them since July.

Then Saturday morning my Mom called to say she wasn't feeling well and they weren't going. I thought, "Yea, then we won't go!" (Since we use my parent's tickets, we now had no way to get the tickets since they live in Cordele - three hours away)

Then my Mom said my sweet sister, Lyn, had just left Cordele to bring us the tickets. Oh no....I guess I am still going. So I took an Advil for the major headache that I now had over my feelings about going.

When we got on the road to Athens I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. As we traveled a road so familiar, I felt so strange. I was flooded with the fact that life was so different. For that matter I am so different. Athens has always reminded me of such wonderful times. Special camps when I was a young girl, spending the weekend with my older brother and his family while he was in school, being selected as a Georgette, Theta selecting me, meeting Drew, falling in love, getting engaged on North Campus, taking my boys back for Georgia Football Saturdays. Those of you who went to school with me, no I haven't forgotten the hard and lonley times of college too.

For the most part, though, Athens was a place of long walks and late night talks of how we dreamed life would be. Let me stop here to say, I have received so many more blessings than I ever could have dreamed. "For God is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine..." Ephesians 3:20.

But being honest (and yes I've told the Lord this too), losing a child was not something I ever thought about. That is something that happens to other people, Right?!!!

Now in the car as I look back over my shoulder there are only three boys with smiles of anticipation. Last year as we took Brock for his first Georgia game we listened to him chant "Georgia G! Georgia G!" all the way there. We are not sure where he got that from. We think he combined the spell GEORGIA cheer and UGA, UGA . Nonetheless he was proud of his cheer. At the game he was so cute. I think most people watched him more than the game. At halftime trying to escape the heat, we went to get a Coke. That was when the picture was taken by one of the UGA photo girls; the same one you probably all still have on your refrigerators to remember us - our Christmas card 2007.

One of the last several pictures we made as a family.

So I manage to enjoy myself at the tailgate. We got to visit with my sister and see my nephews who are students in Athens. We ran into old college friends at the Dawg Walk and at the game. Then it happened. Another UGA photo girl, just doing her job, not knowing that her words would hurt. "Would you like me to take your picture." Afraid if I said no I would start crying so I said with a smile, "sure".

Ouch, that hurt...no, no, no, I don't want a picture to remind me of how different life is than last year.


It is done. The only good thing is that Drew and Mason had stepped down a few rows and were not in the picture. So, it was a partial picture all the way around.

As always God in His timing is perfect. Although it has taken me several months to get this blog up and going, starting it on Friday was perfect. I have received several calls from well wishing friends that I haven't heard from in a while. Some were ones I let know about the blog and others were just out of the blue. I knew they were still praying and thinking of us; yet it was good to hear their voices. As always God knew what I needed before I was able to say I needed it. He provides so generously. Once again He uses the Body of Christ to tell me He loves me and cares when I hurt.

Thank you Lord for the relationships you nurtured and prepared many years ago in my life that I have so needed in this time.


jamie in rose cottage said...

Oh, Nita, it's another beautiful post because you have a beautiful heart; you have honored all of us who read these words by choosing to share your heart. And you are honoring Christ, too, by being so open with your hurt, as well as how He has been with you all the way.

Henley on the Horn said...

Doug was able to go at the very last minute & tried to find you all. He was so sad to have missed you. Thank you for sharing this. I can't imagine how difficult it was to go, but I'm so glad you did. And, yes, your Christmas card has been on our refrigerator since last January & I pray for you every day. Thank you for being open about your hurt and not just pretending that everything is okay!!!