Birthday Wishes

He would have been 5 today. One Thursday afternoon, while we were having a family time of talking about Brock, Mason said,

"I just wish God would send us a picture each year on his birthday so we could see what he looks like."

I thought the same thing this morning as I looked through some old pictures. In talking with older moms that had young children die, they told me they always see their child just at the age they were when they died. For the most part I do too...I see Brockie as that "almost 3 year old" precious boy that he was.

Around the time of his birthday, I tend to let myself think, "What would he be like?!" Sometimes it feels scary as it begins to feel like someone I don't know. It begins to feel like I don't know who he is or what he would be like. I look around at other 5 year olds to remind myself what kids look like or talk like around that age.

The hardest part about thinking of Brock being 5 is that was the age Barrett was when Brock died. It is hard to imagine, so for the most part, I just don't. I just see him as "almost 3."
This morning in my looking for pictures, I wished I could find one of him with his hand out showing me all five of his fingers on one hand. That is one of my favorite things about 5 year olds; all fingers up on one hand. I didn't find what I was looking for, but I did come across pictures of him from his first birthday...


and his second birthday...


I also came across a picture that none of us could remember seeing.


I guess that was our gift of some sort. I love coming across "new" pictures.

Today we celebrate him. We celebrate the day God gave him to us. We thank God for the almost 3 years we got with him.

As we were watching Brock's YouTube "Bike Ride" today with a dear friend, although I have seen it dozens of times, I was pleasantly surprised and reminded of a sweet moment that now seems comforting as well as...sad. I ask Brock how old he is. In spite of clearly being almost 3, he confidently pronounces, "I FIVE!"

...and today, he would've been!


So today I guess I got my wish after all. Isn't that just like God to give me more than I imagined?! I wanted to see a picture, and he gave me Brock's voice.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

Balloons

Wow, we were so overwhelmed by your response! I have marveled at the way God took this little idea (in my mind) and used it in so many ways that I never imagined. For, "His plans are always bigger than ours."

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3: 20-21.

From stories of one getting to share at the grocery store why she was buying the balloons when the lady kindly asked,"Is it for a Birthday?" To then another when talking to the lady making the balloons was able to share the reason for our hope is Jesus. Later, the two ladies who are good friends were sharing their stories. They realized that they both had talked to the same lady. God used one of them to sprinkle the seed and the other to water the seed. Another story of a sweet "stranger" who came upon my blog on Tuesday for the first time. She was led to have her two boys say a prayer for us and release two balloons. She said she was reminded how precious and fragile life is. Later that evening her 27 month old fell and had to have stitches. She was thankful she had already been mindful of how quickly life can change and what a privilege it is to smother her little ones with love. Still another story of healing in letting off a balloon for Brock and a second one for the baby they miscarried a few weeks ago. The loss happened just days after they heard the heartbeat for the first time. He wrote, "it was quite a sight to behold as the two balloons went soaring up into the sky set against such an awesome sight as this famous national monument. This simple act certainly symbolized something we've both needed to do for a while now. " I could go on and on with the stories you shared. Please feel free to share them in the comment section for all to be encouraged.

Drew mentioned that he wished we had a time release video of our church as so many let their balloons go from that campus. I think that is such a symbolic picture of the Body of Christ. I believe from looking at the pictures that balloons were released from all sides of the building. It has taken me a bit to get them up because I got the idea to put them in time order and then they got jumbled when I uploaded them. I am glad I did though as the pictures covered from the sunrise on that day to the sunset and evening....symbolic of how we were covered in prayed all day long.

Wow, God you are so amazing! As you look at the pictures I hope you will be reminded of that as you see the beautiful sky God painted for that day.

I don't know if I have all the words to articulate it yet but, there was something special about the act of releasing the balloons. There was certainly an array of emotions as we got tickled at how one balloon made it all the way past many trees to get caught on the last limb before rising above. It reminded us of Brock's cute laugh. There was also the sadness of why we were letting these balloons off. It reminded us of our great loss. Feelings of hope washed over us as we watched the balloons rise to a place beyond ours! It reminded us that we are so thankful for the hope of Heaven we have to be together with Brock again. Finally what an awesome feeling of smallness to look up at that big beautiful blue sky. An incredible feeling of recognizing that the God of the universe is in control and I am not. A reminder that He loves me so much to care about the smallest of details in my life like a blue sky for a sad day.

If you have yet to send your pictures don't worry I will add them in as I get them.

Enjoy!

The day Brock Came

Thank you so much for your prayers, thoughts, cards, hugs, emails and pictures. They were precious reminders from the Lord of how much He cares for us.

Our day was up and down. I must have asked the Lord a thousand times why couldn't Brock just be here for us to celebrate him here. I longed several times for God to just come and take us all to Heaven so that we could all be together. Thinking of Brock turning 4 was not comforting. Mason said that thought made him feel like Brock was becoming someone he did not know. We assured him that when he finally sees Brock again, he will fully know him. Oh Lord, this journey is so hard. Thank You we have You to cling to.

So, we tried to focus our celebration on the day Brock came into our lives. God was so sweet to bring us great memories all day long. Our day was sprinkled with joy as we received pictures of your balloon releases. We went to the grave side as a family around 2:30 and lost track of time. It was a time of tears and laughs as we watched our balloons dodge the tree limbs as they tip-toed into the crystal blue, cloudless sky. We each talked about our favorite thing we liked about Brock.

Here's what we said, Barrett...."He was my friend and was always there to play with", Mason..."there was always life and noise when Brock was around, there was never a dull moment, he brought so much happiness to our lives, I also liked the way he touched so many lives in his short life, more than I have touched in all my life," Asa..."It was a privilege to be his big brother because everybody thought he was so cute, I liked his crooked teeth when he smiled", Drew...."I liked his laugh and smile and the way he would run, his energy, his cadence", Me...."I liked his rough little voice, his own language and his hugs that wrapped around my neck and his head on my shoulder."

We sang Happy Birthday and God our Father (we thank you-for our little Brockie). Then, we let our balloons go. This made us laugh and cry.

The moon was already out. We watched Asa's balloon until it seemed as if it were higher than the moon. We imagined a closet full of balloons where Jesus keeps all the balloons for the children. Asa said he found himself imagining Brock on a play ground and Jesus giving him a balloon and then Brock getting to share all the others that were released with all the other children in Heaven. We don't know if there are balloons in Heaven, but we do know that it is far better than we could even imagine or hope.

We ended our time with each of us praying and thanking God for the gift of Brock in our life.
On our way home I thought...what a beautiful sky the Lord painted for us to release balloons into. Then when we arrived home and received all your photos on the computer, we were so overwhelmed. They are beautiful. Such a kiss from the Lord. I am going to try really hard tomorrow to get them up. If you haven't yet sent yours, you can still do so. I'll just add them as they come in. God used this little idea to bless us in huge ways. Again, more than we could have even imagined.

We thank you. Once again you allowed the Lord to use you to help us through a really sad, bittersweet day. God Bless you. We love you.

When we finished our time praying at the cemetery, Barrett said, "Mama, while you were praying I lifted my head up and looked at the sky and I saw Jesus holding Brock's hand and leading him. "

We all were speechless. Jesus loves the little children.

12:17

4 years ago today, at 12:17 pm, God blessed us with our 4th son. Brock came into our lives.

So at 12:17, Barrett let go of our first balloon as a family. Then we thanked the Lord for the blessing of Brock's life. In looking back in keepsakes from his birth, I came across a card from our sweet friends, Lee and Beverly Webb. Beverly passed away in October, 2008. She was the first person that we knew and Brock knew that has gone to Heaven since Brock got there. Every night Barrett prays for God to ask her to rock Brock for us.

In the card she sent us to acknowledge his birth, she said, "May God pour out His most special blessings on Brock Browning Meadows and use him to make a beautiful difference in the world!"

Today we celebrate that Beverly's words came true.

Brock, what a difference you made in our lives! Happy Birthday precious!

*** P.S. We have received some of your pictures of your balloon releases. They are sweet. God is using them as a happy on this hard day. ***

Brock's Birthday

Walking through this grief with my children has held some really sweet but difficult times. I asked the Lord to please show me the way to help them through this valley, pointing them to Him the entire way. I begged Him to please use it for good in their life and not let it leave a deep wound that just festers in their heart. I am trusting Him in His promise to do so.

Many times in answering their questions I hear myself saying the very thing I needed to hear. I want to be the one to help them even though sometimes it is the most heartbreaking thing. It has been a privilege to walk it out with them. I asked the grief counselor for any tips in helping them grieve in a healthy way. She explained to me that my children would say to themselves, "What if it had have been me?!" She said they would look at it from their own perspective. They will say, "If it had been me...would they still talk about me? Would they still remember me? Would they still celebrate me?" They talk about Brock all the time. They bring his name up often. They remember him in ways of playing with him that only brothers remember.

So, in that light, we are going to celebrate Brock. Tuesday, March 3rd is his 4th Birthday. When we reminded Barrett that this Tuesday was the day, he said, "I can't even imagine him being 4 because I did not see him on the way to 4." We knew him "on the way" to 3 as he died just short of his third birthday. We are all finding this day hard as it approaches.

We thought of a precious way to celebrate, and we are asking you to join us. At first, I struggled with this because if he were here, I would not be asking you... those of you who knew him and those of you who never knew him, to help us celebrate his birthday. But after continuing to pray, think and talk about it, it is the way we want to celebrate this year. (Last year, it was so close to his death that all I wanted to do was be alone with just our family).

What we would like to do is this: We want to have you release balloons in memory of his Birth Day. This was the day that the blessing of his life began in ours. First, before you release the balloons we want you to take a picture of yourself, your family, or your kids with the balloons. We thought it would be fun to see where all the balloons come from. You can get as creative as you want. For example, if you live in a city that is known for some landmark, maybe you could take your picture with the balloon in front of that site. Or maybe just the sky is beautiful where you are, then use that as the background. Use your imagination. Your front porch would be nice too. Once you take the picture, please email it to me at dnmeadows@comcast.net. I am going to put all the pictures together. We don't care how many balloons you decide to let go. You can even include in your email why you chose the number. The boys suggested red for the color, but then again, it doesn't matter; we just want you to take a picture and let balloons go. We also would be humbled if you don't know us but follow the blog...if you would participate. We won't think you're a stalker :) We just appreciate you caring for us enough to join us on our journey. If you have kids and participate, you may want to include your return address on the balloon for a fun idea for your kids to see how far your balloons go. We are going to put that on ours with a note about why we have let them go.

This idea is not original with me. I did not come up with it, but I decided I really liked it when I saw it done for a little girl named Ava that died. If you need some ideas for your pictures, the pictures on this show are beautiful. Her mama is a photographer, and her photographer friends did the photo release. I promise no pressure from us to pull off pictures like these.

Now I am sure some of you by now are thinking that you don't know how to email me the picture. Don't let that stop you. If you don't, just take the picture and I will help you with getting it to me.

Thank you so much for loving us and helping us to celebrate the day that Brock came into our world...forever changing it.