More Than You'll Ever Know

October 31st. Yes it is Halloween yet it also marks 9 months to the day since I kissed and held my little Brockie. While I would love to sit down and have a pity party, I decided to publish this post I have been working on for a while. I find when I am down it is good for me to find something I am thankful for in my life. So, this post is about YOU. Yes, all of you reading this.

I often ask God, "Who am I to be loved so much by so many?" More than you will ever know this side of Heaven, God has used each one of you in unique ways to comfort us, strengthen us, listen to us or just hold us where we were. I hope I am there beside you in Heaven when the Lord shows you just what your prayers, thoughts and deeds did for us in our deepest pain. Oh, may great be your reward. Thank you for loving me especially during this time.

I was given this song by a friend a month or so ago.

When I listened to this, I just cried as I thought about all of you that have taken us before the Throne. I have printed out the words for those who may not be able to listen.

More Than You'll Ever Know - Watermark

Something brought you to my mind today
I thought about the funny ways you make me laugh
And yet I feel like it's okay to cry with you
Something about just being with you
When I leave I feel like I've been near God
And that's the way it ought to be...

CHORUS:
'Cause you've been more than a friend to me
You fight off my enemies
'Cause you've spoken the Truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
Just to know you've been on your knees for me
Oh, you have blessed my life
More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah
More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah

You had faith, when I had none
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song
When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing
And all the while I'm hoping that I'll
Do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me
And that's the way it ought to be...

You have carried me
You have taken upon a burden that wasn't your own
And may the blessing return to you
A hundredfold, oh yeah...
A hundredfold, oh yeah...

You have been faithful to continue to lift us up. We have felt it. We stand today because of the way you have encouraged us in the Lord. God has used your prayers to comfort us. He has used you to let us know that He loves us so much. Thank you that have been obedient to God. When He brings us to your mind, you stop to pray, write us a note, or give us a call. God has sustained us using the Body of Christ.

It is not uncommon for us each week to meet someone that the first introduction goes something like this, "You don't know me but I have been praying for you." You often hear people in grief say they struggle with feeling like the world keeps going and forgets their pain. When we have these interchanges with people, it reminds us that you have not forgotten Brock or us.

In September, I spoke at another local church's homeschool meeting. There was a woman there that cried through my entire talk. Afterwards she hugged me in a way that I knew she loved me because she had been praying for me. Through her tears she explained that she couldn't wait to get home and tell her family that she met Mrs. Meadows. Later that week I received a note and a picture of her children standing in front of a white board in their home that had "The Meadows Family" on their prayer list. Their boys had prayed for us everyday! Wow, God is so good, and He cares about the little details! It was enough to know that family was praying for us, but the follow up card and picture was overwhelming.

There are also those of you that were not in our community but were friends of our friends. I don't think I have ever been so kind to a stranger as you have been to us. You have not only prayed you have gone a step further and written us notes. Just this week through this "crazy" blog thing that God led me to do, I was blessed by strangers. Two particular ladies took the time to read my words and comment. They were Toni and Danita. I think you can see there comments from the last post. Toni was a friend of my friend Beth and Danita was a friend of Toni's. Danita said it best as she said, "isn't it cool how God intertwines our lives for prayer purposes." I am so blessed to be the recipient of the love of the body of Christ.

Lord Jesus, you are the head of the body. May you be glorified by your precious ones that You have used to minister to us.

There are also those that knew me in what I like to call my "past life." Those of you that knew me when I was my kid's age. Those of you who "grew up" with me or Drew. Those who we went to High School, College or worked alongside. Also those of you from our old neighborhood when our older kids were tiny and Brock was in my belly. Although life has moved us all in different directions, you picked right up as if we had never been distanced. You came, you cried and you prayed. You have fed us. You have also circulated our name on your Church's prayer lists. For all of this, we are grateful and blessed. Thank you!

Then there are those of you that were our close friends and family. As I would read the books on grief there was always a chapter for those who were not in the middle of grief but would minister to those going through. I thought to myself, "who reads these books before you are in the midst of it?!?."

Anyway, you have all been wonderful. None of us had the privilege to read a book to know what to do, but by the Holy Spirit's leading, you did it perfectly. I know you felt inadequate, but I am so thankful you just allowed God to use you to love us. You could have written the books.

One day in my quiet time as I was reflecting on how good God was to us through all of you, I came across the verse from John 15:13 "Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." I just cried as I thought, that is exactly what all of you have done. You "laid down" whatever was on your agenda to come by. You "laid down" your to do list to fold my laundry. You "laid down" your busy schedule to just sit and pray for us. You "laid down" your money to shower us with flowers, gifts, cards or what ever else we "needed" like socks for the kids or Starbuck's for the mornings. I have been so moved by your generous attention. Like the song says, may the blessing return to you a hundred fold for taking on our burden that was not yours.

Finally to the ultimate friend Jesus Christ. In John 15:15 He calls me His friend. I've always been amazed that the Creator of the Universe cares enough for me to call me friend. Jesus says "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." He is the one that verse 13 refers to as he literally laid down his life. But He didn't stay down as he rose to Heaven so as to prepare a place for us to live with him there. How different this journey would be with out Him and the hope He gives us in Heaven. He has been my comfort, my strength and my life. He has bound up my broken heart and cared for my every anxiety. He has caught all my tears. Because of Him and what he has done for me, I will survive this day with out my precious, littlest cowboy. I know there will be a day when I hold Brock again. I know the excitement on his face and mine will be far greater than that of a new costume or a bucket full of candy on Halloween.

My heart is full of gratitude for Jesus and what He has done. I am overwhelmingly grateful for the way He has used what each one of you have done to comfort us.

Oh Lord who am I that you would love me this much?