Friday, April 24, 2009

Questions

Thank y'all for your sweet responses to our good news. Every congrats has meant so much. Some of you were even sneaky as you have now let us know that you were secretly praying that the Lord would give us another baby to love. Your words are so precious to us as they have served as confirmation to us that we were not the only ones praying for this child. Our joy is great!


However, it seems that all at once, in our great joy, the ache of our sorrow is deep. In true testament to the power of the Holy Spirit, we have had moments of joy since Brock died. In our laughter and joy, there is an ache for the missing of Brock that he is not here to have fun with us nor for us to marvel at.


We have talked a ton about Brock lately. He is on the forefront of our minds as we want to share the news with him and see his excitement. We have a "I'm the Big Brother" t-shirt that has been passed to each boy when he became the Big. Barrett went and got it the other night and said, "This would be Brock's now." We are all so excited and long to see that childlike excitement, of not fully understanding, but knowing you should be excited because everyone else is, in Brock's big eyes. He would have been an awesome big brother.

A few answers to your most frequent questions......I am feeling ok. I get pretty nauseated and am really ready for bed at night. I see both those things as good as they remind me I am pregnant. We will not find out what this baby is prior to the day we hold him or her. The only one we found out with was Brock. I felt like it was a weak moment and just a logistical decision. We were moving into our home and the "nursery" was painted pink. I wanted to know if I needed to paint the room. I wanted to know if I needed to move all the little boy stuff or give it away. We think we will go with the surprise this time. We truly see this child (as all are) as a gift from God. We just stand with open hands to receive His blessing.

The question the boys have asked the most is, "Where will the baby sleep?" We have a bassinet that Drew's Dad actually slept in when he was a baby. It has been passed around for all the Meadows' babies to sleep in. We keep our babies with us in that bed in our room for a while. I have just quickly reminded them of that. Last night I guess that answer was not enough as Barrett asked me again as we were driving in the car after dropping Asa off at baseball. I told him that after the baby sleeps in our bedroom, that he/she would go into Brock's room. I said, "I think that Brock would be okay with that, don't you?" Barrett quickly said, "Oh yeah, because Jesus has given him a new room." His sweet response ( and my raging hormones) caught me off guard, and I began to cry. I was braced for him to say, "But that's Brock's room." Barrett's words reminded me when Jesus said, "In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you." John 14:2

I have told you before how special Brock's room has been for us over the past year. It still has his toys, his clothes, his big boy bed and his rocker just as they were last year. It is a place all of us have enjoyed going. I have found the boys praying, crying or just playing in there. This will be the toughest of transitions for all of us. Since Brock died, I have asked the Lord to show me when I should go through the things in his room. I have not felt the desire to do so. I knew the day would come, but for now, his clothes are all still in his drawers and closet just like when he was here. In telling my Mom that this would be the hardest thing, she said that the day would have probably come where I felt like I wanted to do something with that room as all the boys got older. She said, "I can't think of a better thing to do with it than to get it ready for a new life."

Back in the car.... when Barrett realized I was crying, he said, "I wish I could get out of my seat belt right now and give you a hug."

Lord, thank you for all the precious lives you have blessed me with.

6 comments:

{ jamie } said...

I love Barrett's words, all of them. He is a sweet boy, as all of your boys are. We are still praying for you all in this wonderful/bittersweet time.
((hugs))

Paige Stanfield said...

Barrett is wise beyond his years - and better yet - it seems like he totally "gets" what Jesus does in the life of a believer. God bless you all!

thewades5 said...

Some of the wisest and most encouraging folks I know are children. We love you!

Tina said...

Thank you for sharing your life so openly. You and your family are such an encouragement to us. We appreciate you so much and you guys are constantly in our prayers! Love, The Savasuks

Victoria said...

I know Barrett is very young, but he is wise!! You and Drew should be very proud of him!

alix cloud said...

sweet, sweet story Nita~
thinking of you!!