Friday, February 5, 2010

No Smell of Smoke

It was a crazy Friday Morning.

The boys were picked up by a sweet friend and taken to their day of classes. Drew was at his morning Men's Group, then on to an appointment. It was just Lila Jane and me at home. All I had to do was nurse her and get a shower. I had hoped to get this done by 10 am so that I could be first in line at the book signing starting at 11:00.

Believe it or not, when Drew got back home at 11:30, I was just getting in the shower. I am not sure where my morning went, but it was not going as I had planned. I told Drew I doubted I was going to the book signing since my Bible study started at 12:30. He encouraged me, "Yes, you wanted to go, so hurry up and go before your Bible study."

"There is no way. The line will be too long. I'll never make it to Bible study," I retorted as I stepped into the shower.

Still rushing as I was getting Lila Jane into her car seat, Drew insisted, "I really think you should go. Just go by and see."

Since the bookstore was on my way to Bible study, I turned in the parking lot. "Why am I even doing this?!"

I was surprised that the parking lot wasn't too full, and there wasn't the line out the door I expected. I pulled into the space still asking, "Lord, why am I here?" As I got out of the car, a gale force wind whipped by me. As I looked in my reflection in the car window, my hair was standing straight up!

Why am I doing this?
What will I say?
Will it be awkward?

I knew there would be too little time to say how much her ministry and Bible studies have impacted me for years.

I entered the store and told the man I was looking for the book signing. He pointed to the checkout counter and said, "You have to buy your book there and then make your way to the back of the store." The lady at the counter was very nice as she said, "Oh, you got here just in time. I think they are about to leave." Then she could not find another book to sell me. I thought, "OK, they're sold out of books. I'll just go back to my car and leave."But then she gave me my total, handed me a book and sent me to the back of the store.

As I rounded the end of one of the bookcases, I saw a girl and asked her if she was in line. She said no, but asked if I wanted her to take my picture. That reminded me, "Yes!" I had brought my camera (just in case). I gave her the camera and took Lila Jane out of the stroller...caught my breath and realized...........there was no line.

It was just me standing there.....

..... with Beth Moore!

There were some other people there, but they faded into the background as Beth turned and made a bee line straight toward Lila Jane. Lila Jane flashed a sweet smile, Beth exclaimed, "See, she knows a Grandmama when she sees one!"

I can't remember the exact details as at this point I began realizing I was caught up in something way bigger than just a morning that didn't go as I had planned. But, the conversation (it feels funny to write conversation as I am talking about Beth Moore) started something like many conversations start.....about Lila Jane being my first or only child.

This is a question that, after you've lost a child, is often painful. I always answer that I have 5 children. But sometimes, depending on the setting, I don't mention Brock dying. But this time, I decided to mention Brock...

at this point, Beth came right into my space and looked me eye to eye. I remember her hands touching me on my head, my shoulders, my arms, my hands as she talked with me. Then she said, "Let me just pray right now!" I wish I had a video as I stood right there in the middle of Borders bookstore with Beth Moore praying over me. Her prayer was beautiful. Oh, to have it recorded so I could read the words over and over!

One thing that the Lord used so powerfully over me as she prayed was when she said, "Lord, she is like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego." (see Daniel 3)

I must admit, at this point, my mind slowed the moment down as I thought, "What is she talking about?" And then Beth went on, "Lord, she has been through the fire and she does not even smell like smoke."

Writing the words even makes me tremble. Oh, how grateful I am that the Lord did not leave me in my besieged city. But He heard my cry and rescued me from the fire.

Praise be to the Lord, for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city. Psalm 31:21

Often when I am sobered by the thought that I have a child that died, I think, "How am I living and functioning?!" It is only by the grace of God. It is only by His peace and comfort.

God used his precious servant, Beth Moore, to remind me of how in awe I am of Him for not passing me by. I often wonder how people walk through something like this without the grace, mercy, and hope that only He gives!

I once read in Sarah Young's Jesus Calling that remembering the promise of Jesus' presence "limits" how far down in despair you go when you experience the pits of life. Even with Christ, there are some really dark days. Where would I be if God had not been there to grab my hand in the dark of death, catch the tears from my swollen eyes and blow His holy spirit in me for my next breath? I shudder to think!

Beth was so sincere...she wanted to know how Drew and the boys were doing. She wanted to know all about Lila Jane. I'm sure I was just another person on her book signing tour, but oh, how she blessed me!

Incidently, she was there signing her new book titled, So Long Insecurity. (Rereading the beginning of this post, I had to sounds like I could have been the poster child for the book that day)

God used her in a mighty way to give me a fresh wind to keep going even as the days of remembering the furnace are still so hard.

Thank you Lord for bringing me through with no smell of smoke.


{ jamie } said...

Oh, WOW!
I love Beth Moore! I'd have been in line myself if I'd known she was having a book signing. I don't get star-struck, but she and her Bible studies have been huge in my life. And what a sweet, sweet prayer she said over you! I am SO, SO glad that God orchestrated this for you, and so glad this has given you "a fresh wind to keep going..."


Tina said...

Nita!!! Amazing. What a neat experience completely orchestrated by God.

Henley on the Horn said...

I cried. God's appointments are always just where we need to be.

Alix said...

No words, God is in ALL the details! What an amazing story, Nita!

Paige Stanfield said...

SO AWESOME! I just got back from dinner with Sondra, Nancie Chapman, Kim Bell, and Shellie Johnson - I wish you could have come!!! Sondra told us about this recent post and I couldn't wait to get home to read it! I have missed your posts over the past month and I am glad that you're back - and with such an amazing story! I love Beth Moore - I'm going to see her at First Baptist Woodstock in April!

MrsL said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MrsL said...

Oh, precious sister, you were not "just another person on [her] book signing tour!" You were part of divine appointment--and BOTH parties left the moment a little richer and a little more in awe of our great God.

What a magnificently inspired prayer. In a few short moments, God showed Beth Moore your heart, your testimony, and your victory in Christ. God uses you daily to illustrate His faithfulness to those who trust Him fully.

Paul Trotti (Sr) said...

Nita - Your blog ALWAYS blows me away. I have never before left a comment; but I ALWAYS read your blogs, and I ALWAYS come away inspired by you and Drew, and by your family.

I know that God is using you in a powerful way. Thank you for being obedient and faithful to Him !!

Because of your faithfulness, Brock's life has touched and will continue to touch so many thousands of people. The Scriptures tell us that our Lord honors those who honor Him. I know that He is honoring and blessing you and Drew. Thank you.

Paul Trotti

Anna said...

Love how you are so strong!! love you and every you do!!

esty said...

tears roll EVERY time I read your blog, I promise!!! Does everyone tell you that? I was just reading Shad, Mesh and Abed last night to my own three boys and was hit anew as I always am that they proclamined: "Our God will save us O King BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT..." It seems to me you have said the same thing to the Enemy about your life and losing Brock. God took Brock and you serve Him anyway. Thank you. You are so loved by me and you don't even know me.

Anonymous said...

Nita, you probably don't remember me. I confess that after we moved from Atlanta in 1999, I probably didn't think about you much, but having been introduced to your blog today, I remember you very clearly. Cindy Anthony posted this on fb today (we are members of the same church in SC) and I had to write to you. What a road you have walked since I knew you in Bible study at Wieuca! We were new members, and I had just had an ectopic pregnancy, and I remember the way you welcomed me into the group. Anne led it...such a beautiful woman, and how she must have been able to minister to you in your loss. I'm thankful for the sweet spirit in that Bible study, and it was clear even then the God's hand was on you. Keep trusting Him, and thanks for sharing yourself through your blog. I regretted that we lived there such a short time and that I didn't get to know you better. Interesting how God can turn our suffering into something good. He is doing that in you through this blog. Blessings on and prayers over your whole family.
Ruth Kirby
ps I have to ask...did you end up going to Bible study after this encounter with Beth Moore? Or did you just drive home in awe of what had happened?

Nita Meadows said...

Ruth, Hey, I do remember you. I also remember wishing I had more time to get to know you. Thanks for your prayers. They bless us. We left Wieuca shortly after you. We still think of the sweet people there. They were kind in our loss. To answer your question, I did go on to Bible study. When I got there though I completely interrupted what they were talking about and shared my experience. :) Take Care.