Wednesday, March 3, 2010
He would have been 5 today. One Thursday afternoon, while we were having a family time of talking about Brock, Mason said,
"I just wish God would send us a picture each year on his birthday so we could see what he looks like."
I thought the same thing this morning as I looked through some old pictures. In talking with older moms that had young children die, they told me they always see their child just at the age they were when they died. For the most part I do too...I see Brockie as that "almost 3 year old" precious boy that he was.
Around the time of his birthday, I tend to let myself think, "What would he be like?!" Sometimes it feels scary as it begins to feel like someone I don't know. It begins to feel like I don't know who he is or what he would be like. I look around at other 5 year olds to remind myself what kids look like or talk like around that age.
The hardest part about thinking of Brock being 5 is that was the age Barrett was when Brock died. It is hard to imagine, so for the most part, I just don't. I just see him as "almost 3."
This morning in my looking for pictures, I wished I could find one of him with his hand out showing me all five of his fingers on one hand. That is one of my favorite things about 5 year olds; all fingers up on one hand. I didn't find what I was looking for, but I did come across pictures of him from his first birthday...
and his second birthday...
I also came across a picture that none of us could remember seeing.
I guess that was our gift of some sort. I love coming across "new" pictures.
Today we celebrate him. We celebrate the day God gave him to us. We thank God for the almost 3 years we got with him.
As we were watching Brock's YouTube "Bike Ride" today with a dear friend, although I have seen it dozens of times, I was pleasantly surprised and reminded of a sweet moment that now seems comforting as well as...sad. I ask Brock how old he is. In spite of clearly being almost 3, he confidently pronounces, "I FIVE!"
...and today, he would've been!
So today I guess I got my wish after all. Isn't that just like God to give me more than I imagined?! I wanted to see a picture, and he gave me Brock's voice.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20