Happy...

Every October I feel like I get on a train that calls me to "hang on!" The train takes me through many holidays, family traditions, birthdays, the darkest day, and finally delivers me just beyond Brock's Birthday in March.

The ride is extremely intense as it seems every few weeks brings about a special day for our family. I would say we are a Fall/Winter family as it seems we have more birthdays and traditions that occur during that time. Each "What a great day" is punctuated with "Man, I miss Brock." These "high and holy days", as I call them, are truly a foretaste of heaven. Yet they often leave me with an aftertaste of wanting more. Wanting more of Heaven. Wanting him....

the Missing...

it is a time of walking slowly on the inside while my feet seem to be running with the crazy pace of life. I have to deal with my emotions of grief, or they will surely deal with me.

Thank you for dealing patiently with me as I have been a horrible blogger. I have no excuses except to say, I am sorry. I have missed you. I have been either overcome with my feelings of grief or overwhelmed with the preciousness of life that I didn't want to pause for fear of missing something. I pray that by being so immersed in life and not writing it down in cyberspace won't prove to be my not tasting it again:

"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection." -- Anais Nin. So in my attempt to catch up my blogging, I give you some of our "Happy" days:

Happy Fall -

We made our annual trip to Burt's Pumpkin Farm. This was our 14th year. It holds so many memories of taking all our Lil' Punkins there.


This was Lila Jane's first trip.


She acclimated quickly as yes, that is a pumpkin stalk she is chewing on.


We ache to see Brock's precious smile and round face atop the pumpkins. We often visualize him in our pictures like he should be 'right there.'




Even the silo screams his name.

When we get the pumpkin home, our tradition continues. We have a night where the boys carve the pumpkin while we read The Pumpkin Patch Parable by Liz Curtis Higgs. This great book reminds us that while we clean out the slimy squishy pulp from the pumpkin and give it a new face, Jesus did the same for us. He took the dark mire of our sins and gave us new life. And He placed His light in us to shine before all men.

Happy Halloween.....


No! We did not adopt a teenage girl - that is Asa, dressed as a...a...a slumber party girl. It bothered me at first, but then some of his friends that are girls called to borrow some football stuff for them to dress as boys. Oh well! Mason was a cowboy, Barrett was a 60's Dude and Lila Jane was a pink poodle!


Happy First Birthday -

Lila Jane turned ONE on the 11th of November. She was truly the princess of the day.



My parents came up to help us celebrate.


We sang Happy Birthday, and then watched her get into her own cake.


As her day approached, I kept voicing that I felt like I had been caught in a time warp. There was no way she could be one.


She still feels so new...the day of her birth still so fresh in my mind. I was a bit sad to surrender my "baby" into toddlerhood. Each day has been so precious. So healing. She has been all of our baby doll. She is truly "beauty from our ashes."


Happy Thanksgiving -


Every other year we gather to give thanks with Drew's family. This year the Meadows clan came to our house. Here is the coveted Adult Table.


21 of us listened to the story of the first thanksgiving, read psalms of praise, and sang songs of worship, all led by Drew's father who intentionally reminds us of our country's heritage of faith.



Happy Birthday to Me -

In the late days of November, I celebrated my next birthday. So grateful to the Lord for allowing me another year to be a part of His beautiful world.

Happy Birthday Asa -

Asa celebrated his birthday with a group of friends down at the SEC Football Fanfare right before the SEC Championship.

This is our forth year to celebrate at this event. A few days later he took his drivers permit test and...passed.


This is all so strange for me. Is this really my life?! One that is learning to walk, and one is learning to drive. God is able to do far more than we could ever imagine! Now Asa drives us around everywhere.

Happy Christmas -

This year's Christmas card was not my favorite. It is the first year since Brock's death that I have not included him on our card. I felt like I didn't have time to be creative to figure out how to include him. With a tight budget and limited time, I came to the point of get it done or not do one. One night after coming in from the kids' programs at church (we all had decent, festive clothes on at the same time :) ) I set up the tripod in front of the tree and called everyone to gather. We took the picture on the time release feature of my camera. I could not believe Lila Jane's expression. I know it is a little late, but Merry Christmas from our home to yours.


Happy New Year -

The end of December brought about mixed emotions. It caused the passing of a mark in time that I have been dreading since Brock's death...

the day when he would be gone longer than he was here.

Oh it hurts to type it. 2010 was truly a year of a dance to a strange rhythm of grief and joy all pulsating from my one heart.

We welcomed the New Year with friends.


As a family we claimed the 2011 New Year to be a year of Words. A year where we will read more words, write more words, be more careful with our words to one another, hide more words in our heart, and know The Word, Jesus, better by walking with Him daily.


The blanket of white that covered our land a few days after New Year's seemed to remind us of a beautiful clean start to 2011.


Brock's Happy Day - January 31, 2011

The 3rd anniversary of Brock leaping into the arms of Jesus. The day of his arrival in heaven. The day he stepped into eternity. He is more alive now than we are!!!

This is the next stop on our train:

We remember Brock.
We remember the beautiful things the Lord has done for us.
We remember the sacrifice Jesus made so we will one day be with our precious boy again...

...forever!

God has been close and comforting. He has brought sweet reminders of "Brock stories" over the last few weeks. We are forever grateful for your prayers and sweet thoughts. We thank you for being Christ's hands and feet and lovin' on us.

Ahh, it feels good to be back. Thanks for making it comfortable for me to pick up where we left off.

Receive

I love getting all the Christmas Cards in the mail. It is so fun to see the families of friends old and new. Mailing out cards always seems to be a huge check off my list, but I am always so glad I did. The Christmas just before Brock died in January, I was so thankful that I had included a picture of all of us as a family. So many people told me that they kept our card on their refrigerator all year long so they would remember to pray for us. It was so encouraging to me when I would walk into someone's home and see it still out...in July! Last year was really difficult to even think about doing cards again. I thought there would not be anything I would like because I didn't like that Brock was not there to be in the picture. Then there was also the thought of people receiving our card who did not know about his death. That made me sad. But with a sweet friend's help, we created a card that I liked and felt at peace about sending out. Then, this year we had another big Christmas card year again with the announcement of Lila Jane's birth.

Our generous friends/photographers, Ken and Jamie with Worley Arts, came over to take pictures when Lila Jane was two weeks old. We took most of the pictures in front of a fireplace in our home. We included Buddy (Brock's teddy bear with the Big Brother t-shirt) in our family photo for an acknowledement of Brock. I had seen an idea on Becky Higgins' blog that I wanted to use for the front of our card. Jamie and Ken were so great and helped me create the photo with Lila Jane's feet.

My sweet and talented friend Megan of Ella Bella Photo Cards then took the beautiful photos and created a tri-fold card for our announcement/Christmas card. When I was choosing the photos to include on the card, I decided I wanted to use one of each of the boys. In thinking about including Brock, I remembered a photo I took 3 years ago of him in front of another fireplace in our home. When my eyes landed on the stored photo, I cried as I thought, "Lord, what grace, as you knew when I snapped that photo of him that it would "match" the ones we took this year." I loved the card Megan created. I felt so different mailing them out this year as I thought of the people who did not know we had been blessed with a little girl. I want to share the card with you. Like I said, it was tri-fold, so there are 6 panels. Scroll down to see them all:

It has been strange to think about what a different place I am in this Christmas season. Having Christmas without Brock did not get any easier...just harder in a different way. He would be 4, the perfect Christmas age. Man, I missed him today!

Having Lila Jane was so special. She was the best gift for all of us; we all got a baby doll for Christmas. From the time I learned of her pregnancy, I began praying for me to be able to stand with hands wide open to receive God's blessing. As I would find myself worrying during my pregnancy, it was as if my fingers would begin to close my open hands. Every question, concern, and doubt left me with clinched fists. I literally had to 'pry' my fingers to keep my hands open before the Lord. He began to teach me a lot about what it means to truly receive. I kept coming across that word...receive...in my prayer time with the Lord. The day after Lila Jane's birth, this was an excerpt from my devotion book, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young: Written as if Jesus is speaking...

"This is a time of abundance in your life.....Sometimes My children hesitate to receive My good gifts with open hands. Feelings of false guilt creep in, telling them they don't deserve to be so richly blessed. This is nonsence thinking, because no one deserves anything from Me. My kingdon is not about earning and deserving; it's about believing and receiving.

When a child of Mine balks at accepting My gifts, I am deeply grieved. When you receive My abundant blessings with a grateful heart, I rejoice. My pleasure in giving and your pleasure in receiving low together in joyous harmony."

I have been in a season of receiving. If you think about it, Christmas is all about receiving. I know, I know...we've been trained that it is about giving. BUT it is ultimately about receiving the gift that God gave to us that first Christmas. When we receive a gift that we love, we are grateful. We study to find out all about it. We investigate it. We want to know everything about it.

How did you receive God's gift this Christmas? Or have you EVER received His gift?

Are your hands wide open?

Christmas Rush

Finally got the angel on the tree....


All the cards have just been mailed.....




First present just purchased on Saturday (still have many to buy)....


Guess we've been doing a little too much of this....



But then again, can you ever really 'do too much of this'?!

Have a Happy Day!

Could you read my mind? Have you gotten all the posts I have thought of in my head? I wish I had a USB port from my brain so that every time I sit to nurse I could download all the thoughts I would love to share with you. Thank you for being patient as we all adjust to Lila Jane's schedule. So, if you don't mind, I am going to do quite a bit of "retro-blogging" because there are so many things I want to tell you.

Last weekend, our sweet girl (born into a family of all boys) starred in her first acting role...as a boy! Not just any boy though. If you are going to have to play a boy...at least she got the best one.

Lila Jane was Baby Jesus in the Christmas Festival at our church. The Christmas Festival is the Sanctuary choir and Orchestra's concert with some narration, drama, dancing and other media. I had to laugh when I told the boys that on Wednesday she was going to the church for practice. Mason said, "Why does she need to practice being a baby?" I think he had a point, but none the less, it all paid off because she was just perfect in her role.

Lila Jane was on stage for two songs. The first song was called Son of God. Kelly from our church's dance ministry did an interpretation of an angel in celebratory worship of God's Son. It was beautiful. As she danced around Mary and Baby Jesus, it made you think of the joy the angels had at Jesus' birth. Then she reached down and took Jesus from Mary's arms.


As she twirled around and lifted Jesus back up toward the heavens, you were drawn into the awe of worship that all of Heaven must have felt at the glory of His birth.


The next song was a continuation of "Hallelujahs" as the shepherds came to visit. Then a children's ensemble joined the adult choir as they first ran on to see and touch Baby Jesus.


It was a great visual of the Christ-child coming for the shepherds long ago but also coming for us today. A humble reminder of, "Do I receive Him with the same excitement that shone on the children's faces?" The final scene was Mary standing and raising Jesus up with a look of dedication and recognition that this baby was God's.

Watching Lila Jane on stage brought up so many emotions. You see, Brock also played Baby Jesus when he was about 4 weeks old in our choir's performance of The Easter Story.

Brock 2005

For a brief moment the grief almost overwhelmed me as I thought...wait a minute! Yes, I was just here with him and we were just starting out and now....where is he?! And then, in the way it has gone since Lila Jane's birth, the joy over what God has done in giving her to us flooded right in with the grief...

together...

existing at the same time...

one not stealing anything from the other.

The emotions are hard to describe. I wish you could have been there. I tried to take pictures, but my tears were making everything blurry. I was caught wanting to capture it through a lens and soaking the moment all in. Drew and I sang for years in this choir. We were out for what was supposed to be a short break. Then Brock died.

They are still family to us. So many of the people on stage have cried and faithfully prayed with us in our journey. Many commented they so vividly remembered Brock playing the role. Many told me, "Thank you for sharing Lila Jane with us." However, to "share" her seemed so fitting after all the love and support they have given us.



There was a holy hush, though there were voices singing, when Lila Jane was first on stage. Seeing her there, we were all completely overwhelmed by God's grace and goodness. I am of course, in no way, comparing her to Jesus, but I think it was one of those glimpses from Heaven that God gives us so that we can better understand in a tiny way the emotions described in His word. For a moment...

to see how the angels danced and rejoiced,

how the hosts sang,

how the shepherds saw,

and how Mary held all that she had been told.

That night, Lila Jane was with us - all of us who had cried tears from heartache over Brock's death. All of us who had prayed for healing. All of us who had prayed over my pregnancy and the safe arrival of this baby. All these things were woven together as we saw her there. It strengthened us in our faith.

Finally, each time she was lifted up I whispered to myself, "Oh God, she is yours."


*The program will be broadcast on Atlanta television on WATL Channel 36, December 25th at noon.*

A tear down his cheek

Thank you for your prayers. We felt them. From early morning messages to an email received just before going to bed, God used His people once again to cover us. We felt His presence all day long. I found myself on Christmas morning not focusing on Jesus and His birth but on God, His Heavenly Father. Earlier in December when we attended our church's Christmas memorial service for Brock, our pastor, Bryant Wright, spoke on a passage from Philippians 2:5. The passage meant so much to me. In a service that was so difficult .....why was I sitting in a memorial service.....the words spoke to me. I always love when I see scripture I've read before in a new way. Then this morning in my quiet time that passage was one of the ones I read.

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!"

I have wanted to share this before but hesitated because I was afraid to confuse anyone with my words. I've asked the Holy Spirit to cover anything that might be confusing. After Brock died many people would say to me, God knows what it is like to lose a son. My mind immediately went to the crucifixion. In a selfish way, I would think to myself, "Yeah, but when Jesus died, God got him 'back'." As with everything, there are two ways to look at things. My heart was not ready to receive it I guess, but I didn't look at it any other way until that night at the memorial service. As the verse alludes to Jesus leaving his throne in Glory and humbling himself to nothing - a baby that came for me so that I could see my baby again one day. That is when God "lost" his son. He let Him go to earth to be a baby knowing what was ahead for him. As I woke up sad and missing Brock this Christmas morning, I wondered if on that first Christmas morning, that God had a tear roll down His cheek as he watched Jesus lay down His crown and humble himself as a helpless infant? Yes, God indeed knows exactly what it's like to "lose" a son!

As we opened presents, our kids were so grateful. I knew it was because they understood gifts don't make you happy. Yet their excitement and happiness over such little things warmed my heart. I found myself a bit numb all day long. I felt for sure that I was being carried by all your prayers and petitions to the Lord. I found myself saying, "I should be happier than this...it's Christmas! But on the other hand, I should be sadder than this since it is our first Christmas without Brock." Somewhere in the middle is where I found myself. Thank you Lord for carrying me to the other side. There is somewhat of a relief that the anticipation of the hurt from Christmas Day is over.

My niece Krissie and her husband Chris have two precious boys. Brecken, their oldest, is 2. We were with them for Christmas. My boys loved playing with Brecken. They could not wait to get their hands on him. They smothered him with hugs, kisses and rough and tumble play. It made us all think about Brock in such a bittersweet way. Before bed we were talking about how it felt to be around Brecken. Mason said, "It felt good....but, for a little bit I just pretended it was Brock." I told him me too as tears rolled down all our cheeks. Perhaps pretending was one of our favorite gifts this Christmas.

Thank you for loving and praying for us.

11 Pipers Piping

Yesterday afternoon our neighbor "elf" friend, Grady brought over this gift. It was a CD featuring Violins and Panpipes. I don't know where our friends find such neat things?
This morning I turned the CD on while I was getting ready for the day. The music is beautiful. All instrumental. The panpipes, flutes and violins are haunting, piercing, captivating and soothing all in one. It was wonderful to be quiet and let the music soak in.

My thoughts turned to Heaven. I thought how amazing this music was to me here and how much more beautiful it will be in Heaven. How the music would be clearer and perfect. This earth, as wonderful as it is and as beautifully created, is under the curse of sin. In Heaven it will all be restored to its original perfection. It is hard to imagine it being any more beautiful, but oh it will be!!

When I heard the music I started thinking about what a panpipe was?
So I did a little research. While the sound is much like a flute the instrument is thought to be the original instrument that led to the pipe organ. The Hebrew word is mentioned as early as in the book of Genesis. It is thought that the flute and the pan-pipe or double flute were probably referred to as the same word as it was the most common pastoral instrument. The Hebrew word is ugab. This instrument was used in celebrations and feasts and to accompany dancing. How appropriate for this time of year. Further reading said that this instrument also was the standard instrument for mourning. Even the poorest of Hebrew's would have at least two "flute" player at his wife's funeral. How interesting that this music was given to us during this our time of mourning? Maybe that is why my soul so identified with it this morning.

As Grady was leaving we thanked him for playing elf for our friends. He said, "Well I don't think it is over yet." We were not sure what Grady was talking about because the scripture card that came with the CD had the number 11 in the top corner and the number 12 in the bottom corner. Since they both deal with music, we figured this was our final gift.
We had been told the gifts would end on Sunday night to accommodate everyone's travel plans. But oh it was not over! Stay tuned for the final gift. I want to put it in a post of its own and I need to get back to listening to that beautiful music.

Praise the Lord!
Praise God in His sanctuary; Praise Him in His mighty expanse. Praise Him for His mighty deeds; Praise Him according to His excellent greatness. Praise Him with trumpet sound; Praise Him with harp and lyre. Praise Him with timbrel and dancing; Praise Him with loud cymbals; Praise Him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord! Psalm 150

A little milk, a little dancing, & a little leaping

So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land,a land flowing with milk and honey Exodus 3:8

Eight Maids of Milking came with a $25 dollar gift card to Bruster's and Two Cartons of our favorite Chocolate Milk. This is quite a treat. I haven't bought the chocolate milk in a long time. Before Brock died it was a regular in our fridge. He loved this milk! He would always ask me for it by chanting "chochit milk, chochit milk." With out his asking, I haven't remembered to pick it up. We also used to buy it at Publix. Now most of my grocery shopping is done at Wal-Mart. Publix is one of those place that I have found so hard to go back to shopping in since every aisle and every turn reminds me of Brock. I still prefer Publix and I do go in there; just not as often as I did when I had a helper in the buggy.

Nine Ladies Dancing arrived this morning. The 12 Days of Christmas actually have Christian symbolism, so I am learning. The nine ladies dancing represent ladies dancing over the 9 fruits of the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Inside the box was a really cute lady's dancing shoe ornament and a gift certificate for one hour of Dance Lessons for Drew and Me in our home. I laughed and joked it would take all the fruits of the Spirit for us to make it through those lessons without getting aggravated with one another. My college friends are laughing by now. Drew and I took weeks of dance lessons before our wedding day. We were good, or so we thought. We had our first dance all planned out. Then on our wedding night, 16 beats into the song, we almost had our first fight as a married couple. The good thing is we decided to keep the marriage and ditch the formal dancing. We just went back to doing Drew's impression of Fonzie's dance - the old hold me close and sway. Seriously, we were actually excited to have the dance lesson gift certificate. We both love to dance. It will be great to get to do it in our home. No pressure from all the mirrors in the studios.

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!(Psalm 30:11-12)


The lords o leaping arrived tonight. The 10 stands for the 10 commandments. The basket was filled with all sorts of sweet treats. Drew and I were excited about the Zots. Do you remember how good those things were?
With it was a letter that reminded us of all the Ten Commandments found in Exodus 20:1-17. Attached to each candy bag was a Roman Numeral. The letter instructed us to try and memorize the commandment as we were enjoying that treat. When I was reading this out loud and got to that part the kids all guessed it was from a friend of ours that is a teacher.

There was also this P.S. attached to the letter:
The significance of candy would be that it might, very likely, cause young men to leap...like frogs. All the candy was green with a frog in the center of the basket(fake of course). It told them that intense sugar rush could cause random acts of noise and loss of self-control! If you feel that obeying #5 - which is Honor your father and mother - becomes difficult, discontinue intake at once.
Isn't that so clever!?!

"Be glad in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven." Luke 6:23

Oh how we long for Heaven!! These gifts have been so good at giving us something to smile about. We spent Saturday at the mall. I realized that I had not been in the mall since last year at this time with Brock. Each year all my family comes up from south Georgia to go shopping for what we call "Daddy Curt's Special" We have been doing this tradition since I was a little girl. We all get to pick out something special that my Dad loves to buy for us. Drew pointed out as we were loaded down with packages, that for us, it was the first time in 13 years that we did not have a stroller on this shopping trip. We "sort of" made it through our yearly photo with Santa. When we got in the car to come home, I told Drew I felt a good cry coming on. He said, "Yeah, me too." Days like today are exhausting. I'm not talking physically but emotionally. I say it feels like all day long I am blocking darts from going too deep in my heart. We all missed Brock today, and the memories were on all of our minds. It seemed like he was around every corner, at every passing glance and fleeting moment.

As we were driving out of the parking deck Mason said, "I can't believe Christmas is almost here."
I said, "Why do you say that Mason?"
He said, "Because ever since Brock died it feels like every day is so long....it feels like each day has 48 hours so I can't believe it is now Christmas."

Please pray for us today, as usually after we have a big day of memories like yesterday, we find the next day extremely hard. Thanks for loving us!

A Mix up on the Geese and Swans

Wednesday night when we got home, we found Day 7 on our front porch. At first we thought that we were singing the song wrong when we saw the swans a swimming, but then we saw the Day 7 verse. We weren't sure what to do, but the kids decided to "dive" right in. This package included three of the nicest snorkels I've ever seen and then 5 passes for us to go to the Aquatic Center to swim. The kids were so excited! I'm not sure we will look much like swans, but we will have fun. Barrett even asked me several times today when we could go use the swim tickets.

"He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water.'" John 7:38

Then today we received Day 6. My sweet neighbor Lynn is playing 'elf' for my clever friends. She came to the door and said, "Oops for the mix up." No problem, we are just excited to see whatever day it is.

On Thursday afternoons at 4pm, the time that Brock died, I try to spend some time in Brock's room. I just sit in the rocking chair and pour my heart out to the Lord. I journal, pray and read Scripture from Beth Moore's "Praying God's Word." Today was especially hard as I thought that next Thursday will be Christmas. This is strange...I actually had some feelings of grief over our first Christmas without Brock being over. I know this sounds strange, but I began to think when it is just one of many Christmases without him. I told the Lord I was tired and weary. I knew that meant there was much room for Him to be strong! I have asked Him all day long to be strong as I have felt so weak. (Some of it might be due to Drew being out of town and Barrett and Mason sleeping with me. Between those two restless monkeys, I think I got 2 hours of sleep.) He gave me this verse today as I sat in Brock's room.

(2Cor. 12:9) You say to me, Lord, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Your power may rest on me." (from Praying God's Word)

In the room, I thought about that this Christmas being over would move me further away from the Christmas I last spent with him. The Christmas where he was so excited and so proud of himself for "getting" Christmas. Sitting in Santa's lap, no big deal he crawled right in the middle and then, taking the lead from his big brothers, told Santa just what he wanted. I remember when we got to my parents in Cordele for Christmas. He had just been there for Thanksgiving. He remembered where his bed was and his chair for the table. After he made sure I was putting up his bed, he carried his fold up chair all by himself to the kitchen. He had come to be fully involved and fully enjoy himself.

Every morning Drew and I would wake to a thud (he was still in the same room with us). He would climb out of the pack n' play bed and bump down on the floor. Then we would hear the door turn and then a precious little voice say, "Mema? Daddy Curt?" He would then climb in the bed with them in the next room. Oh sweet memories!

Oh...if I had known.

No...better I had not known.
I had just come out of Brock's room when the package arrived. I know now the mix up was the Lord's doing. The Swans a swimming was clever, awesome and loved, but I needed the Geese a Laying. In the cute container that that silly singing Goose (or rather penguin) is sitting on were green eggs with each of our names on them. There was even one with Brock's name on it. It was so precious to see his name written by someone else.

Inside each egg was scripture for each of us.

Mason opened his first. He began reading.

"God, you are the chief warrior fighting for your people. Set Mason apart to be your warrior for your Kingdom. As Gideon led people to fulfill plans beyond his ability, lead Mason to conquer giants in his life that would only be conquered through you being his mighty warrior.

Judges 6:12 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior."

Mason looked up with a big smile on his face. He yelled, "Barrett come see what your egg has to say." I read mine and stood there and cried. It was perfect for me in that moment. Barrett came and I read his, he just lit up with the light of Christ after hearing the scripture read over him.

"Psalm 126:2 Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nation, "The Lord has done great things for them." Lord, may Barrett shine forth with joy that he would proclaim to the nations your greatness. Use his life to draw many to the Savior that they too would be filled with laughter and songs of joy. May he radiate your goodness and your life."

Isn't that perfect for Barrett!?!

I hesitantly reached for the egg labeled Brock. I was afraid it might be empty.

Through my tears I read....

" Thank you Lord that you hold Brock in the palm of your hand and you have fulfilled the plans for his life. Remind us gentle Savior that your plans for Brock are fulfilled and your plans for us are filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Oh my, God, your word is so powerful. It fell fresh on us this afternoon. It is living and so relevant to my life. I love your word Lord. Thank you for inspiring these friends to use this gift this afternoon in such a special way.

Oh, by the way, when I went to get the eggs to type this post, I noticed that inside the egg with the scripture were Hersey's kisses. Remember how I call reminders of the Lord's love for us a kiss or a hug. Yes, those geese a laying eggs were kisses from the Lord. Thank you friend (whoever you are) for being an instrument for God to use in a mighty way today.

Also, I can't stop telling you about this. There was a box wrapped with one of those beautiful Willow Tree DEMADCO figures. This one as you can see in the lower left corner of the Goose picture is a red haired angel holding the arms of the little boy as he is learning to walk. "Guardian Angel" was the name on the card inside the box. It reminded me of Brock not walking until he was 16 months old. All of us had walked him around with his arms just like this figure. When he finally did take his first steps, he did so with his arms straight up. He was walking on his own, but with his arms like we were holding him. Or maybe, there was an angel there walking him then!?! Oh, here come the tears again. I better go.

Anybody know what the 8th day of Christmas is?

Five Golden Rings

Last night while I was out rounding up the kids, Drew was at home. The dogs were up so they did not bark. He said "I was just out there and then the next thing I knew the bag was on the front porch." So sneeky!! What wonderful friends we have.

This morning we enjoyed the 5th day of Christmas we received last night. Bagels!!


But he knows the way that I should take: when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. Job 23:10

12 Days of Christmas

I am working on another blog, but before it is finished, I wanted to share what our sweet and clever friends are up to. Friday night while we were out at a 70's Sunday School Party (you'll hear more about that later), someone delivered a partridge in a pear tree on our door step, along with this note:

Of the days of Christmas there are known to be twelve;
the reason for this we are not going to delve!
Unusual gifts sent from one's own true love,
Let's just say your gifts come, in a way, from above.
Planned and prepared with love, hope and prayers,
Twelve tokens delivered from people who care.
Be especially watchful on days twelve, five and three,
For we planned these items to be as fresh as can be.
May our secret well wishes brighten your season,
Celebrating our Savior's birth as the reason!

We are now on day three. I will post each day so you can see what we are getting.


A Partridge in a Pear Tree - Look close for the glass ornament of the Partridge


Two Turtle Doves


Three French Hens - From La Madeleine - get it? - so cute

This is just another way God is using the Body of Christ to love on us. I call them hugs from the Lord. He uses our friends to remind us how much He loves us. So if you are one of the twelve, we love you! May God bless you as you are blessing us.

Since last Sunday we have truly felt God carrying us. We know God is always with us, but some days are so hard that you actually feel like you are being carried. I have likened it to "floating." Not in the way of being overly happy about something, but in a way where I'm not sure my feet touched the ground. In a way like someone literally carrying me through the day to make sure my foot don't strike a rock lest I have any more hurt. I get to the end of the day weak in my emotions yet sustained by the Holy One. I know that the morning will bring new memories with new hurts yet also new mercies from the Lord.

Now each night we ask what is the next day of the 12 days of Christmas. We are all singing it to try to remember. Everyone is excited to see what it will be. Just like God works in so many ways in everything by taking care of needs we didn't know we had, I found myself looking forward to the days leading up to Christmas. I know our friends didn't even realize that part of the blessing they were giving me. Wait a minute...I was dreading every day that brought us closer to our First Christmas without Brock. Now I have a little something to look forward to each day that will carry me through til Christmas. Stay tuned; we all can't wait for the "Lords a Leaping."