The Unexpected

Hey sweet friends. I am so sorry that I took an unannounced and unexpected blogging break. I am okay. I am not eating ice cream to drown my sorrows that Brock's picture did not win the Bruster's Contest. Thank you all for voting; you did a great job! His picture did win one of ten 1st-place prizes. The puppy won the Grand Prize.

I have however been finding myself screaming,

"Let's go Moose!"
"Hit 'em hard!"
"That was a rip!"
"Great catch!"
"Nice block!"

from the sideline of the baseball diamond. We took a two week vacation around a baseball tournament that our son Mason played in Cooperstown, NY. We drove in my parents' motorhome. There were just eight of us this trip as my parents also went with us. It was a trip of a lifetime. It was so sweet of the Lord to allow it to be above and beyond what I could have imagined or expected.

We had so many unexpected turns down roads that took us through beautiful countryside and special historical places of this great country. I want to share the pictures with you. I have yet to upload them to my computer. We got back days ago. However, I have not put away all the clean laundry or sorted through all the mail. I have been running around like crazy trying to catch up, remembering as my dear friend Susan reminded me, "The trip back to reality is real short." I feel like I have not yet gotten acclimated to being home. I knew I had been gone for a really long time staying at many different camp grounds when I got in my shower at home and as my feet touched the wet tile unexpectedly, I thought, " Oh no, I forgot my shower shoes!" :)

5 eggs, An Anniversary and a Give-Away

A few weeks ago God used another one of His people to encourage me. A sweet friend, Meade, and her two precious girls brought me by a little "happy." She is actually a sorority sister of mine (although I am a few years older) and the wife of a fraternity brother of Drew's. She and her husband, Cale, have been one of many couples that have faithfully prayed for us, supported us and encouraged us since Brock's death. They are precious to us. She gave me a beautiful necklace. When I opened it in front of her, I was almost speechless. I was able to hold it together until she left. I then went to my room, sat down in my chair and just cried. I did not cry because her gift made me sad; I cried because once again, God encouraged me in the perfect way at the perfect time. At the time, I found myself in some intense grief over Brock. I was missing him so desperately. The reality of the new baby had also hit. I found myself in such a strange place of being sad over Brock's life that seemed to leave our family too soon, yet wanting to be joyful over this little life that is about to join our family very soon.

As I pulled the necklace out of the bag, Meade pointed out to me that it had five eggs in the nest to represent my five children. The necklace was beautiful. I adored it immediately. It is so delicately hand crafted by Jenny. But, what I loved even more, was the thought that there was an egg for each of my children. This was really the first acknowledgment by someone, other than us and my obstetrician, of us having 5 children. Sitting in my chair moments later, God reminded me that yes I do have 5 children by His blessing. This seemed to be exactly what my heart needed to hear.

I often have a hard time describing my feelings of deep grief. As I lay it at Jesus' feet, I trust that the Holy Spirit interprets my motherly groans just as He promised in Romans 8:26 - In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Sometimes I never do get the right words to put with the emotions, but I know when He brings me peace to the situation. He reminded me of the Hope of seeing Brock again and that just because he was no longer seen (or heard) here, he was still mine. With the addition of this new baby, I would have 5 children, not 4 again. He showed me that each one of the freshwater pearls is unique and precious in its on way; so are my children. God's plan for each one of them also is different, and I will love them in different ways. My love for Brock will continue and it will not be threatened by my love for this new baby. The birth of this new baby will bring us joy, not pain.

A year ago this week, I started this blog. It felt so...unlike me. I still struggle with fears before I post any entry. God has blessed me in so many ways through this "strange" outlet as I step out and trust Him each time. So many of you encourage me greatly through your comments, whether you post on the blog, send me an email, or just tell me when you see me. God uses you more than you'll ever know!

So...to celebrate my blogaversary (with a word I made up), I am having a give-away. Jenny of jennypickle designs has generously agreed to donate a "Mother's necklace" to one of the readers of my blog. She is also a mother who has lost a child and is greatly honored to do this. She will custom make it just for you with the number of eggs you want in your nest.

So I will open the comments up to this give-away. I know many of you have told me you don't know how to comment. Just click on the word "comments" at the end of the post. If you have a gmail account, you can use that. If you have a blogger account you can use that. If not just comment as anonymous and then be sure to sign your name. The code they ask you to verify is just so Blogger can make sure that you are real and not some computer spam.

When you comment, I thought it would be fun to have everyone answer the question of, "How many eggs would be in your nest?" I realize not everyone of you are moms. If you don't have children, you could answer how many children were in your family growing up. I also realize that some of you are waiting desperately for God to bless you with a child; please know that I have already prayed for you. You might include one precious egg in your nest as an acknowledgment of the desire you have and the hope you have for the Lord's timing in your life.

So let the fun begin. I will put the names in a hat and let the boys draw one for me this Thursday night after 9pm, eastern time. If you don't win, be sure to still check out Jenny's store anyway...AND drop a hint for those buying you a Christmas present or buy one yourself for a special mom that you know.

Remember

With a heart of thanksgiving I remember this week, last year. We were just returning from a vacation adventure of a lifetime. We loaded up my parent's motorhome with some dear friends, the Smiths. We meandered 4 days across country to Buena Vista, Colorado where we spent a week at Young Life's Trail West Family Camp.

Drew and I had started to talk about this trip in the Fall of 2007 (before Brock died in January 2008). We thought the summer of 2008 would be a perfect time for us to go as Brock would be 3 yrs old and able to enjoy some of the kids' events. We looked at our schedule and decided that the first week of June would probably be the only time we could go around Ball and Swim schedules. Months after Brock died, I told Drew I did not think that I wanted to go to a Family Camp, especially on a year my family felt so strange. I couldn't imagine seeing other little 3 year olds having fun. I would shudder to think about introducing our family to strangers that didn't know we "really had four kids, not just the three" that were with us. But for some reason, we left it hanging and never canceled our plans.

I mentioned to Drew one morning that we really needed to make a decision about the trip. That afternoon a friend of mine from college, Victoria, called to check on me . She and her husband are on staff with Young Life. I mentioned to her that we were trying to make a decision on still going to Trail West. She asked,

... what week are you thinking about going?

....the first week of June.

....Really?! We're going the same week! And so are this family, this family and this family (all of whom we knew from college!).


We knew then that God had once again gone before us. We trusted Him that, for what ever reason, in this first year without Brock, we would take such a family vacation.

We mentioned it to our friends the Smiths and they decided to join us. They were even brave enough to ride in the same RV with us!

So we loaded all 11 of us on the RV and headed to Colorado.
(We actually didn't make the kids ride on the top) We spent the night at KOA's across the country. While the men hooked up all the hose connections (don't get blue water and brown water mixed up - a true RV moment), I said to my friend Shannon as we sat by the small KOA pool watching the kids, "It just doesn't take much to be happy." And it didn't, but little did I know what God had in store for us.










Go West Young Men........

...... After a ride to the top on a windy day, secure at the base of the St. Louis Arch, Missouri.

......On the steps of the Chapel at the US Air Force Academy, Colorado Springs, Colorado.

......Marveling at God's handiwork at "God's Garden"

Finally, we arrived at Trail West. We were greeted by cowboys on horseback to escort us to camp. Then we departed the RV to board "Big Red" - a wagon of sorts. The staff took our vehicle and unloaded our belonging to our rooms. As they sang to us in a greeting, their mission that week was to serve us in the name of the Lord. They didn't know what a big job they had with us!

......this is the view from the gorgeous Trail West Lodge.

The introductions were easy as almost every other person would come up to us and say, "You don't know us, but we have been praying for you!!" We realized there were several other families that we knew from Georgia. Yes, all of us ended up in Colorado during the same week.

...It ended up there were 7 of us that were sorority sisters in college. That is 1/4 of all families there, from across the Nation!!

We were overcome with God's goodness! We were blessed by the love that happens when you pray for someone. It was most evident on the faces of the children that had prayed for us as they just gave my boys, whom they had never met, a big hug. One of the moms mentioned that just seeing us and seeing that we were "okay" was so strengthening to their faith. Mason could not get over the feeling that these people didn't know us, yet were so nice to us. I told him, "Mason, that is because they have prayed for us every night; they have grown to love us." He said it made him feel special. I reminded him how he felt about people he had prayed for. Learning of their prayers and feeling their hugs encouraged our faith and gave us strength for our journey. As if being surrounded by our "extended" family of faith wasn't enough, we were there in the gorgeous setting of the Rockies. The blue sky, the snow capped mountains, the crisp air, the sparkling Aspen trees...all cried out of God's existence, His glory, His beauty (read Romans 1:20).

...Aspen Trees are our favorite trees. We felt like it was another gift from God that many of our activities took place in an Aspen Grove.

It reminded me how much God loves us. As if sending His only Son to die for us was not enough! He also went to such great lengths to show us His love for us in His creation. A creation that is just temporary. "But in keeping with his promise, we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness" 2 Peter 3:13

....We were amazed at what a foretaste of Heaven this was - from the fellowship to the surroundings. It was truly one of those glimpses God gives us to keep us moving on.... awaiting the soon coming day of Heaven.

We experienced the vastness of His creation as we rafted down the Arkansas River. When we got in our boat, our guide even had the verse Isaiah 43 written on the back of his life vest. "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you." This "just happened" to be one of his favorite verses. God is so into details!

...That verse has meant so much to us this past year as we have felt God with us.

....and sledding down the Continential Divide, in shorts!?

There was a square dance the last night of camp. Everyone dressed in their cowboy attire. From the smallest camper to the Moms and Dads, all danced and had a great time. My scripture the next morning in my quiet time was Jeremiah 31:4b "Again you will take up your tambourines and go out dancing with the joyful." That is what we did that night as God confirmed more sweet times to come even though the ache in our heart was still so deep and raw.

That night is when we took the picture that is on the header of this blog. When we were packing for the trip, the boys had gone to the basement to get all the cowboy dress up clothes we had. They came back with Brock's hat. They asked if we could take it. Not sure what we would do with it, I said, "Yes." It felt right to take it as we all sooo wished he were there to wear it. Oh, how he would've loved it!!

...We took it with us that last night and snapped a few photos...never knowing God would call me to this blog nor that it would serve as our opening picture. God is so good!

...That night in my journal I wrote, "Thank you Lord for the time to take the sweet picture of our family- with the extra cowboy hat for Brock. It felt like the most 'normal' picture we've taken since Brock's death, since it acknowledged him missing."

After a tearful and reluctant goodbye, we left Trail West, loaded up the motorhome, with a little more in store before we reached home. We traveled home over the Father's Day weekend.

...We stopped by Cadillac Ranch in Texas.

....and followed Route 66 into Oklahoma.

...paused a moment to remember those who lost their lives in the Oklahoma City Bombing.

....enjoyed Sodas of all kinds at Pops Diner in Edmond, OK

.....and never grew tired of the unique finds along the way, Round Barn, Arcadia, OK.

We arrived home and to Drew's sheer bliss, our Sunday School Class had landscaped our yard for our return. This was a big undertaking and a huge blessing!

God continued to remind us of His love through His people. I have cried and smiled as I have written this post. Thank you for joining me on a journey in remembering.

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
Psalm 77:11

A Heartbeat

Well, my kids officially finished school today! Summer is here. I am so excited. Since we homeschool, and I have learned from the past, they will do some review work over the summer to keep their skills up.

April was extremely busy again. In the days and months after Brock's death, I was completely "out of it". Friends took care of many of my responsibilities as it seemed all I could do was take care of myself and my kids. Since then, as I have eased back into life, I feel myself being resistant to letting myself move at such a fast pace again. I find that it interferes with my listening and looking for my Lord. My mind gets filled with so many distractions that it is sometimes hard to "still" it like I would like. It also interferes with my time to fellowship with friends. It seems our conversations turn to "Hey, how are you?" and "Gotta go." Sometimes we do it to ourselves, but Drew and I are much more aware that we control how fast our family runs. Slowing down is a decision. All that to say, I am glad May is here with some time to slow down.

Last week we went to the Baby Doctor for the first time. I am changing doctors. My GYN does not deliver babies anymore, so I have been asking around for a new doctor. We have prayed about this doctor. With all of our emotions, we wanted one that was professional yet sensitive to our story and the emotions that have already come. I prayed that I would know right away if this doctor was the one God was preparing for us. After we met with the nurse, we met with Dr. H. in his office. The first thing he said after looking at my paperwork was, with a knowing smile, "Tell me about this little one you have in Heaven."

When we went back to the exam room, he reminded me that he might not be able to pick up the baby's heartbeat with the doppler, because at 12 weeks, it might be too early. For those of you that haven't had babies in many years, the doppler is like a microphone that they put some gel on and they rub it on your belly to hear the heartbeat. It is like a sonogram but without the picture, just the sound. About the time he started to put in on my belly, the nurse began talking to Drew about some paperwork. The instant he put it there, our child's heartbeat rushed over the speaker! No searching necessary! I started to cry. Then I realized that Drew was still talking and not listening. I said to the Dr., "I don't think he is listening." He said, "Yeah, just a miracle going on over here, and he's not listening." We got Drew's attention. Then we both began to cry. As the nurse handed me a tissue, for some reason I said, "I'm sorry." Dr H said, "Don't apologize, my wife says that when I stop crying is when I should quit this business." He said, "I cry at deliveries. I will cry at yours." As we finished our visit and started to leave, Dr H. said, "I have to think there is someone in Heaven smiling down on this right now."

I cried all the way home as I was so overwhelmed at the Lord's goodness. I asked Him to make it clear to us one way or the other about this doctor. In His usual manner, He blessed me beyond my imagination. Y'all, he is sooooo into details, big and small! I love the way He is writing the story of my life. This visit was on Friday. It was the perfect start to my Mother's Day weekend.

You see, the afternoon Brock died, we were in the Emergency Room glaring a hole in the heart monitor, so desperate to see a heartbeat...yet there was none. I think it is so precious the Lord chose to give me a new heartbeat for this Mother's Day. Thank you Lord for this wonderful gift.

Whiter than Snow

It was almost 80 degrees here today. We have been outside all weekend, lovin' the spring-like weather. It is hard to believe that last Sunday the kids were so excited to see big white fluffy flakes falling from the sky. Last Sunday we had a light snow beginning around noon. By 2:00pm we had a blanket of snow on the ground. While we were excited, we were a little reserved because Barrett was to be baptized at the church that afternoon. We received an email that they would go on with the service. Barrett's grandparents called to say they would be here for the service but had decided to not stay so they could get out of town in case the weather got worse overnight. Barrett's nervous concern over the change in plans was quickly dissolved when I told him, "I bet Brock was helping Jesus with the snow maker and sent this happy sight just for you". He just smiled and looked as if he could see Brock doing just that. So, since this was the weather we were given for the day, we decided what better weather for a baptism service!?! For Psalm 51:7 says...."wash me and I will be whiter than snow." While Drew and the boys made chili, cornbread and brownies, I put away my planned center piece for the table. (We were having some friends and family back to our house for dinner afterwards.) I pulled out the snowball candle. I laid the snowflake cloth on the table. I typed up Psalm 51:7 on paper. I cut around the edges with those craft scissors to make it look like a snowball and placed it on each side of the candle. Needless to say, we embraced the snow.

Barrett accepted Christ in October 2007. He and Mason were alone in their room. He told Mason of his desire to invite Jesus into his heart. Mason led him in a prayer to ask Jesus to come into his heart. The timing of Barrett's decision was another gift from the Lord because when Brock died in January 2008, we were able to talk with Barrett as a Christian.

We follow Christ's example in baptism by immersion. "At that time Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordon. As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." Mark 1:9 The physical act of baptism represents what Christ did on the cross for us; hanging on the cross...being in the baptismal water, dying and being buried....going under the water, and rising to live again in Heaven....coming up out of the water walking in a newness of life. Even though Barrett had shared his decision with us and his family, he was ready to tell others that he was a follower of Christ. I pray he is always ready to tell others about Jesus. "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect." 1 Peter 3:15

Our church has a program for children where they take them through a few classes to make sure they clearly understand when they accepted Christ into their lives and why they are getting baptized. It is called Footsteps. The class concludes with a baptism service. Drew's Dad, Dr. Asa Meadows is a retired Senior Pastor. He baptized our older two boys, so we were thrilled he could be here to baptize Barrett. As Barrett stepped into the baptismal waters, they played this precious video testimony of him.

It was a glorious day with perfect weather to remind us symbolically of what Jesus did with our sins on the cross.

"Come now, let us reason together", says the Lord,"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;" Isaiah 1:18

Unexpected Guests

You may remember that we received this bird feeder on Day Four of our "12 Days of Christmas". The tag attached read "For Calling Birds." We have so enjoyed seeing the birds come to feed. It was helpful when Mason had to keep a bird log for his Animal Science. Barrett has made it his job to remind his Daddy when they need to refill it with food. Asa has done a good job restraining from 'picking off' the little birdies with his BB gun. Yes, our old Copper Bird Feeder had a few BB dings that made their way in the side of it four years ago. Oh, it takes great restraint when you are born with that outdoor hunting gene yet live in the middle of the suburbs! My Grandmother B. used to say it was 'just born' in her boys. I didn't understand but now I do.

Well, yesterday afternoon, I yelled for Asa to get his shotgun...I mean his video camera. I was getting off the treadmill (first time in almost two weeks so that is important to mention) when I looked outside the basement window that is below the bird feeder. At first I thought, "Oh there are the geese from the lake in the neighborhood down the hill." Then as I looked again I noticed they weren't geese but TURKEYS! And there were 7 of them! This may not be a surprise to those of you who live in the country. But folks, we live in a highly populated area of Metro Atlanta. Our home does sit on some acreage and we have seen some creatures other than your regular squirrels and chipmunks like deer, foxes and hawks but never Seven Turkeys!!. Our chocolate lab Dakota was even out in the front yard.

Asa's commentary on his video is, "There are seven turkeys outside our basement window. Oh my gosh, I am shaking." The birds hung around for about thirty minutes. We got some up close viewing time. We called Daddy Curt on the phone and described the turkeys to him. He informed us they were all males or young 'jakes.'

I have to admit while I sat there and watched them feed I thought about the story in the Bible where God sends His chosen people, the Israelites, manna and quail from heaven. As told in the book of Exodus 16, the story takes place as they have been led by Moses out of captivity in Egypt into the wilderness. God provided for their every need, every day. They are hot, tired, hungry and begin to grumble. They forget all that God has done for them; the way He has led them and protected them. But God in His goodness provides food for them by sending manna and quail from Heaven. I know quail are a little smaller than turkeys but hey, God can send turkeys. I thought 7 turkeys would surely supply us some meat to eat for a month or two. I have been trying to save on my grocery bill. In this economy, I was real tempted to let Asa take a shot!

The event did provide some excitement to our day. It reminded me you never know what lies ahead especially when you are in the "wilderness."

I have found myself in some sort of "wilderness" the past two weeks. I am still asking the Lord to search me and reveal what it is and when He does I'll be able to put my finger on it. Until then I think it is just a combination of everything. It has been very emotional coming off the year anniversary of Brock's death. I was so glad we made it through January without anyone being sick. However February has found us a little yucky; our emotions and our physical bodies. I had the cold thing the first week. Then last week I took Asa into the Doctor's office with a fever and headache. Our precious doctor, Dr.Bob Smith explained that January this year was very slow and that they have been seeing so many viruses, including flu again this month. I just started to cry. I secretly had hoped we had made it through this year's season without being sick. Turns out Asa did not have the flu but did have strep.

Well, today Mason woke up with a fever. I know in my head not to fear and that we are not exempt from sicknesses for the rest of our life. Believe me, I have asked God if that were possible. Yet something in my stomach tightens when I feel their forehead hot with fever and they are achy all over like the flu. I speak words of encouragement and assurance to them while asking the Lord to help me believe the words I am saying.

This morning while I was getting ready, I was having a conversation with the Lord ( I was a little grumpy) in explaining that this was not what I had hoped for my day today. For some strange reason He reminded me of the Turkeys from yesterday. I didn't know they were part of my day yesterday. How come we easily accept the good but see the bad as an inconvenience? You see even though the turkeys were not my "manna and quail" for the table they served as my manna from the Lord. They reminded me that God is with me providing all I need. They reminded me that my life is His, and I have asked Him to show me what He has for me each day. They remind me that He knows what my day holds. They reminded me of how much He has done for me. Oh Lord let me never forget:

When times are good, be happy but when times are bad consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore a man can not discover anything about his future." Ecc 7:14

All of it serves for my refinement if I will let it. Thank you Lord!

Words of Love

** I have been having a battle with my computer. I accidentally deleted a post just before I was about to publish. I learned there is no way to recover the lost data. Meanwhile, I am trying to re-create the words. I thought today, being Valentine's Day, would be a good day to publish Drew's words about Brock from the funeral service. They are beautiful and a true expression of Love. ***

Reflections on Brock’s Life and Death

By Drew Meadows, one proud Daddy

February 4, 2008

My favorite things about Brockie:

Two words describe our son: Reckless abandon. Brock did not eat ice cream; Brock pushed ice cream into his face and just kind of smeared it all around. From the slide show, I think Bruster’s owes me some endorsement money.

He put more life into and gave more JOY in his 1,060 short days than most men do in a lifetime. As most of you can attest, Nita and I were exhausted by parenting Brock. He was FAST! You typically saw him in the church halls always runnin’ 20 feet in front of us. But let me assure you that we would give everything to have one more day of chasin’ him around.

I can see one thumb in his mouth & the other one rubbin’ the silk on the “bebe” that his Grandmother had made for him. He was our little Linus – he had that big beautiful block head and was always toting his blanket. Every night at bedtime, we’d turn that house upside down looking for his Bebe. “Where’s bebe? Where’s bebe?”

One of my delights was coming home from work to his squeal of “Daddy!!” as he raced down the hall to give me one of his famous Brockie-Love hugs. I often don’t feel like a hero, but this always reminded me that I was his hero!

Bouncing on the trampoline with ‘da brudders (3 big brothers).

Dancing around the kitchen in the morning during our family devotion to “Jump Jump Jump into the Light”. He had just learned all of the motions 2 months ago, and he was so proud of himself.

Nita and every babysitter with long hair can attest to his affinity of twistin’ hair and holding it.

Most kids walk 20 steps away from their Parents, then look back to make sure their looking; not Brock, he’d just keep on going. He’d be running down the middle of Johnson Ferry Road right now, if we’d let him.

A fine example of him running was the Polar Bear Cub Run two Saturdays ago. The race was simple. He had been in training. He knew the rules. Run 50 yards across the gym floor to Mama. He tied for 5^th place but that wasn’t good enough, so he ran back the whole way. Then he did it a third time, so much that Mark Cottingham exclaimed on the microphone, “Here he comes again!”

He was so mischievous and bad. But he was so sweet, we couldn’t spank him because we just laughed at him so.

He’d say, “Me Not Do It!” Then we’d look at him knowingly, and he’d lower his head and softly say, “Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry.”

He was my joy. Everybody loved him, but he was MINE! My little buddy…I related to him even more because I am also the youngest of 4 boys from a wonderful family.

Brock had just become a big boy…learning to ride his bike (which debuted on You Tube two weeks ago), sleeping in his big boy bed that he and I worked on together just three weeks ago, and potty training just this past week…no more diapers. He was so proud of himself…he’d strut around and say, “I SUPERMAN!”

Then at my command, Superman would just LUNGE from his changing table into my arms.

Favorite bedtime routine every night of his life was he and I reading books, concluded with singing “Jesus Loves Me” and “Hush Little Baby (Brockie)”. He would be sweating from just running so hard, but by the time I got to the third measure of “Hush Little Brockie”, he would just release into slumber, lay his sweet head on my shoulder, just on cue.

He was inquisitive and bright. He’d break stuff apart and work on it, but most of the time, he’d just break stuff. He loved to push buttons, both literally and figuratively. His Daddy Curt said Friday, “Don’t you know he is pushing all the buttons in Heaven!” I can just see the angels chasin’ him around, driving them crazy.

Many nights I would find him in my car sneaking around, and the next morning I would get in my car for work, turn the ignition….wipers full speed, radio blaring, blinkers I didn’t know I had, seat up to the steering wheel, lit up like a Christmas tree…that is, if the battery wasn’t already dead.

He was so vocal. He had his own language:

“What’s Dat?!” Especially when I was getting ready for work as he rifled through my toiletry drawer. Have you ever tried to explain what deodorant is to a 2-yr old?!

Every night, he’d ask me to read “My Bi-buhl” (Bible). And “Chewie Woowie” (Chewy Louie).

Then his sweet, daily whine of, “You go t’work, Daddy? I go wid’ you! I go in OORS car!”

“Daddy fix it!” He didn’t realize that his Daddy can only turn a screwdriver and change a light bulb. But to him, I could fix anything.

Early morning pitter-patter on the hardwood hall followed by angelic demands of, “I sleep in OORS bed!”

But my favorite image is of him raising his arms and pleading with those big round eyes that no one knows where they came from pleading, “HOLD ME DADDY!”

SO WHAT NOW?!

I never understood the grieving wailers in the Middle East. But since my arrival at the Emergency Room Thursday afternoon, I haven’t had many tears, just deep guttural groans that only God can interpret.

I take comfort knowing that my God knows my grief for He also tragically lost an innocent son.

I know some don’t like Christianity because of some Christians. Some of us are hypocrites, one way Sunday, another on Tuesday. BUT I can attest that THAT IS NOT MY experience this week!!! Since Thursday afternoon, my home has been flooded with the Holy Spirit working through hundreds of common men and women in uncommon ways. One of our neighbors was the first to arrive on the scene amidst the chaos because I couldn’t be there. He was the surrogate Father to my boys. We’ve had a chef friend giving days of his time coordinating all meals. We’ve had a nurse friend caring for my other sick boys. Friends taking them to Scottish Rite until 1:30 AM. Deacons praying for me right now about 30 feet that way. Folks opening their homes to our out of town family. A friend buying my precious bride black dresses to choose from; something no 38-year old mother should ever have to endure. Dads and Moms that also buried children, many complete strangers, just ministering to us. Friends doing our laundry. Grocery shopping. And the funeral home visitation…you came by the hundreds and blessed us for over 5 hours! You’ll never know what they did for us. You honored him and us. We hugged so much and so tight that my left rotator cuff is torn this morning. But what a sweet pain it is. Oh, and if you haven’t heard, the line wrapped around the funeral home so many times, Channel 11 helicopters thought Hannah Montana tickets were on sale.

Friday I asked God to show me Brock, to give me a vision of what he was doing. That evening, I opened up a gift bag that was by my bed. In it was a simply gorgeous porcelain figurine of Jesus holding, and I am NOT making this up, a beautiful, curly blonde hair, little boy in his arms, protecting him from rocks and waves below. Precious Rebekah Cottingham gave that to me. Her husband Mark had given it to her during a terrible time in their life, and the Holy Spirit prompted her to bless us with it. That is no coincidence!

Some people say there is no evidence that Jesus is alive. But He has been as real to me as me standing here. You have been His arms and His legs. You have been the fragrance of Christ to us. And it is Sweet.

We are so blessed. Our cup runneth over…our refrigerator runneth over too. We love to entertain and have one of those big mama, platter-sized Sub Zero’s. Well, the food runneth over into our screened porch. And when that runneth over, a sweet man brought in a refrigerator for our garage. We definitely have been touched by your Baptist ministry of casseroles!!

In spite of our grief, there has been so much Laughter throughout our home!! That is the nothing but the fruit and gift of the Holy Spirit. He is our comforter, and He has come to me, Nita, Asa, Mason and Barrett all weekend.

Romans 8:28 was written on my heart seven years ago, but it means so much more to me now: “And we know that in ALL THINGS, God works for the GOOD of those that love Him and are called to according to His purpose.”

Psalms 30 brings comfort, “SING to the Lord you saints of His, praise His name. For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime. Weeping may remain for a night, but REJOICING comes in the morning!! You turned my wailing into dancing and clothed me with JOY.”

Let me assure you that Nita and I didn’t want this story! We thought our testimony was just fine without this.

I ask you to pray for the love of my life, my precious Nita. And for my strong sons - Asa, Mason and Barrett, as we grieve. They have been amazing. I am one proud Daddy. The casseroles will soon stop, but please pray for us a month from now, 6 months from now, on birthdays, because we’ll still need you.

So many have asked, “HOW can we be this strong?!” We cannot, but HE CAN! My Dad gave me Philippians 4:13 as a creed years ago, “I can do ALL things (not through education, not through wealth, not through power, but) through CHRIST who strengthens me. Plus, as a Christian, I have the hope of eternity with my boy and my Jesus.

This tragedy might give some of you one more reason to shake your fist at God; please don’t! It’s not His fault. In case you missed it, we’ve been in a drought for a year, but God cried all night Thursday during Brockie’s death. You see, my God gets blamed for a lot of stuff that He doesn’t cause. This is just a sick reminder that this world is NOT our home. As Christians, we are despised here, we are strangers. This world is not the way God wanted it. But we have the hope of Heaven where there will be no more death and no more tears.

I don’t know much, but I do know one thing: God loved Brock and loves you so much that He created you to love you. But our Sin separated us from Him. He did what any good Father would do; he sent His best, His most precious gift, His Son Jesus, to show us what the Father looks like. Jesus came to bridge our gap back to God the Father. Jesus’ death and His innocent blood accomplished that. He did it for me, He did it for Brock, and He did it for you. The question is, What are we going to do with that knowledge?! Just like Brock, we are not promised that we’ll wake up. All of us will set our alarm clocks to 6:00 tomorrow morning. That is such a huge assumption! The only sure thing is that you will wake up tomorrow morning in one of three places: You will wake up in your bed. Or you will wake up in heaven. Or you will wake up in Hell.

So we are left with only two choices – are we going to run away from Him? Or are we going to run TO Him? I ran to Him 25 years ago, and I am resting in His arms now. Brock ran to Him Thursday afternoon, and is resting in His arms right now.

Help me ensure that his little life was not lived in vain. Let us now commit to live as Brockie lived – live hard, love hard, and when it is all over, RUN to Jesus!

In closing, I think in pictures…Have you seen that special movie, “Facing the Giants”? Faced with the cruel sentence of infertility, the football coach pauses in the dew of a beautiful Albany, Georgia pecan grove with a holy beam of sun on his head, opens his bible and cries out, “With or without children, I WILL PRAISE YOU!!!”

At 4:30 Thursday afternoon, I was hurdling up Johnson Ferry Road not knowing if my son was dead or alive, just screaming at God. Banging the steering wheel, banging the dash, screaming, “Don’t take my Brockie!! Don’t take my Brockie!!” Then it came…that PEACE that passes all understanding…and I calmly said, “I give him back to you.” And then I said the hardest, most unnatural thing to my Lord… “I will praise you; with or without Brock, I WILL PRAISE YOU!!!”

And as for me and my house, that’s what we’re gonna do!

January 31

The final friends have just left around 10pm. I wanted to give a quick update on today. I am so tired and my feet are hurting. I will promise to write more, but I knew there were so many of you praying that I wanted to just give a quick word.

The day was beautiful. In all ways, God orchestrated the details. The weather was perfect. I was so thankful that the sun was out as wet dreary days seem to have an affect on my mood.

This morning Drew and I shared a hard cry in our bedroom. Then we were fine as the first visitors came around 10am.

We took lunch to the fire station. I found out on Friday that two of the EMT's that came to our home a year ago were actually working today. We got to meet them, say thank you, give them a Brockie Band and pray with them. It was a sweet time. We cried all the way home.

More visitors helped move us into the 4pm hour. At that point many people, I mean lots of people, I mean an overwhelming amount of people each lit a candle from our Brockie Remembrance candle and proceeded out of our home to stand on the front lawn. There we had a beautiful time of singing songs. Drew shared a few words. We worshiped and we cried. We opened it up for everyone to have a "say so" about the way the Lord has worked in their life this year through Brock's life and death. We cried more. "God our Father" was the last song. Brock loved this little song. Every time we visit the graveside we sing it as a family first the way it is written and then the second time like this : God our Father, God our Father, We thank you, We thank you, For our little Brockie, For our little Brockie, Amen, Amen. We all sang it that way to close the worship time today. Then we enjoyed food and fellowship with one another. It was a beautiful day of remembering Brock, praising the Lord and loving on one another.

So thankful for all of you that prayed and came. We love you!

I promise I'll write more and fill in the details, for now I am going to cry my final tears for this day and get some sleep.

7 Seconds

Last year this time Brock ran in his first Polar Bear Run.
He didn't even learn to walk until he was 16 months old!
I now see that as a gift from the Lord because we carried him for almost half his life. He started running shortly after walking, and boy was he fast! He was always paces ahead of us everywhere we went. The boys were so excited to register him for the Polar Bear Run at our church. They trained him up and down our hallway for months. Brock was really having fun just running with the big boys. Occasionally they would do the great big brother thing and let him win. He was so excited. Realizing that they would not be able to run the race with him, they worked on teaching him what "ready, set, go" meant. They would say go and not run and he would just stand there and smile at them waiting for them to take off. But the big race day finally came, and he was raring to go. Drew literally had to hold him back from 'false starting' because he was so excited to show off his skills. Remember I said he was training back and forth down the hall. So the one dash across the gym floor didn't seem like enough to him. He clearly had the best start, won the first 80% of the sprint but let up at the end. When he got to me at the finish line, he turned around and ran back to Drew and then back to me again. It was so funny. He was proud of himself. He was Living Hard.

I remember several times during the morning losing track of where he was to see him running off to speak to one of his many friends of all ages. He ran across the floor yelling, "Windsey! Windsey!" trying to get the attention of our sweet friend and babysitter - Lindsey. He then sat and gave lots of love to Rebekah Cottingham. She is a mom friend that he got to know while watching big Brother Asa's football games. He Loved hard.

Because this was such a big event just days before he died last year, we are so excited about the Brockie-Bands. In April I came out of my quiet time one morning and told Drew I had an idea. I thought we should put the words "Live Hard, Love Hard and Run to Jesus" on a wristband for our family to wear, similar to the "Livestrong" bands. These words were the ones Drew used in his eulogy about Brock. We looked into it but never got around to it. It seemed too overwhelming to me to think through getting it done. Mason really liked the idea and kept asking me when we were going to get it done. As time moved on, the Fall came and we came up with the idea that it would be neat to give one to everyone that would run in the Polar Bear Run in January. My college roommate, Ellen, was visiting me the first part of November. She was asking me where I got the title for my blog. I explained and for some reason ended up telling her about the bracelet idea. She got really quiet. I even remember thinking, "Why am I talking about this?" When I finished she said, "How many do you need?" I was overwhelmed, for I had not even thought about she and her husband owning Carolina Corporate Wear. She had a source for getting the bracelets! She said she would take care of it, and she did! God continued to open the doors for us as Mark Cottingham, our Minister in charge of the race, loved the idea. We were able to use a portion of the funds from Brock's Memorial fund to cover the costs. God is so good and into the intimate details of our lives!!

Drew and I composed some words to put with the bands and our sweet friend, Megan Reeder at Ella Bella Photo Cards, created this precious card for us. I wanted to show you the card, but I could not get the words clear enough for you to read, so I am printing them again for you to read:

Let me introduce you to a special little guy. His name is Brock Meadows, and just like you, he was Fast! In fact, he ran his first Polar Bear Run last year.

He was ready! His three older brothers had been training him down our long hallway for weeks. His new velcro shoes were tight. He had been carbo-loading on Mac n Cheese. He knew the rules; run 40 yards across the gym floor to Mama’s arms. He tied for 3rd place…that wasn’t good enough…so he ran back. Then he did it a third time, so much that Mark Cottingham joyfully proclaimed on the loud speaker, “Here he comes again!!”

He lived hard! Brock was a very healthy boy, strong as an ox. Sadly, he died days later during his afternoon nap, just before his 3^rd birthday. He put more life into and gave more joy in his 1,060 short days than most men do in a lifetime. We miss him more than mere words can express, but we confidently grieve with the Hope of being with him again.

He loved hard! We learned a lot from Brock: He went at life full speed with a precious smile. He hugged with all he had. He laughed deep-belly laughs. His gusto and love were contagious! He was a bruiser that also liked to stop and rock a while.

When tragedy strikes, and it always does in one form or another, we are left with only two choices – are we going to run away from God? Or are we going to run to God? Brock ran to Him last January and is resting in His arms right now. Let’s now commit to live as Brockie lived –

Live Hard, Love Hard & RUN to Jesus!

So we share our “Brockie-Band” with you. We won’t be offended if you don’t wear it. But we wanted to give it to you anyway…to honor his life and to challenge all of us to faithfully run whatever race is set before us. The Apostle Paul frequently compared the Christian life to ‘running a race.’ Hebrews 12:1-2:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.”

For more of Brock’s story and the way God is working through it, we invite you to: http://nitameadows.blogspot.com Thanks! Drew, Nita, Asa, Mason, & Barrett Meadows

Friends came over and stuffed the card and a Brockie-Band into 2,300 baggies. Then volunteers put them in each of the runner's bags of the Polar Bear Race tomorrow. We were at the volunteer meeting last night, and Drew got to speak a minute on the reason behind the Brockie-Band being in the bags. Our desire is to honor Brock, but most importantly, to turn people to the One that has made our pain bearable. As we were leaving the building, we passed a teenager we did not know with a band on her arm. As I got in the car, I just cried. I had not anticipated the magnitude of seeing someone with a band on their arm for my son. I began to imagine how pleased God must feel as we accept His son, Jesus, and wear His name on our heart. How sweet and how precious!

One last detail, the arm bands are bright green because we matched the color of Brock's favorite pullover jacket that he wore to the Run.

Please join us in praying for the 2,300 runners who will receive the Brockie-Bands.

Finally, I leave you with a precious video we saw for the first time this week. Thank the Lord that my sister in law, Berta, caught it. It is just 7 seconds, but it captures him so well. He is the fourth child from the left. You can see Drew in his yellow hat behind him. When we saw it, Barrett, our 6 year old said, "I wanted to grab Brock right off the screen." We all miss him so much! May the image of him taking off be the one we keep when we think of "Running to Jesus."

11 Pipers Piping

Yesterday afternoon our neighbor "elf" friend, Grady brought over this gift. It was a CD featuring Violins and Panpipes. I don't know where our friends find such neat things?
This morning I turned the CD on while I was getting ready for the day. The music is beautiful. All instrumental. The panpipes, flutes and violins are haunting, piercing, captivating and soothing all in one. It was wonderful to be quiet and let the music soak in.

My thoughts turned to Heaven. I thought how amazing this music was to me here and how much more beautiful it will be in Heaven. How the music would be clearer and perfect. This earth, as wonderful as it is and as beautifully created, is under the curse of sin. In Heaven it will all be restored to its original perfection. It is hard to imagine it being any more beautiful, but oh it will be!!

When I heard the music I started thinking about what a panpipe was?
So I did a little research. While the sound is much like a flute the instrument is thought to be the original instrument that led to the pipe organ. The Hebrew word is mentioned as early as in the book of Genesis. It is thought that the flute and the pan-pipe or double flute were probably referred to as the same word as it was the most common pastoral instrument. The Hebrew word is ugab. This instrument was used in celebrations and feasts and to accompany dancing. How appropriate for this time of year. Further reading said that this instrument also was the standard instrument for mourning. Even the poorest of Hebrew's would have at least two "flute" player at his wife's funeral. How interesting that this music was given to us during this our time of mourning? Maybe that is why my soul so identified with it this morning.

As Grady was leaving we thanked him for playing elf for our friends. He said, "Well I don't think it is over yet." We were not sure what Grady was talking about because the scripture card that came with the CD had the number 11 in the top corner and the number 12 in the bottom corner. Since they both deal with music, we figured this was our final gift.
We had been told the gifts would end on Sunday night to accommodate everyone's travel plans. But oh it was not over! Stay tuned for the final gift. I want to put it in a post of its own and I need to get back to listening to that beautiful music.

Praise the Lord!
Praise God in His sanctuary; Praise Him in His mighty expanse. Praise Him for His mighty deeds; Praise Him according to His excellent greatness. Praise Him with trumpet sound; Praise Him with harp and lyre. Praise Him with timbrel and dancing; Praise Him with loud cymbals; Praise Him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord! Psalm 150

A little milk, a little dancing, & a little leaping

So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land,a land flowing with milk and honey Exodus 3:8

Eight Maids of Milking came with a $25 dollar gift card to Bruster's and Two Cartons of our favorite Chocolate Milk. This is quite a treat. I haven't bought the chocolate milk in a long time. Before Brock died it was a regular in our fridge. He loved this milk! He would always ask me for it by chanting "chochit milk, chochit milk." With out his asking, I haven't remembered to pick it up. We also used to buy it at Publix. Now most of my grocery shopping is done at Wal-Mart. Publix is one of those place that I have found so hard to go back to shopping in since every aisle and every turn reminds me of Brock. I still prefer Publix and I do go in there; just not as often as I did when I had a helper in the buggy.

Nine Ladies Dancing arrived this morning. The 12 Days of Christmas actually have Christian symbolism, so I am learning. The nine ladies dancing represent ladies dancing over the 9 fruits of the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Inside the box was a really cute lady's dancing shoe ornament and a gift certificate for one hour of Dance Lessons for Drew and Me in our home. I laughed and joked it would take all the fruits of the Spirit for us to make it through those lessons without getting aggravated with one another. My college friends are laughing by now. Drew and I took weeks of dance lessons before our wedding day. We were good, or so we thought. We had our first dance all planned out. Then on our wedding night, 16 beats into the song, we almost had our first fight as a married couple. The good thing is we decided to keep the marriage and ditch the formal dancing. We just went back to doing Drew's impression of Fonzie's dance - the old hold me close and sway. Seriously, we were actually excited to have the dance lesson gift certificate. We both love to dance. It will be great to get to do it in our home. No pressure from all the mirrors in the studios.

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!(Psalm 30:11-12)


The lords o leaping arrived tonight. The 10 stands for the 10 commandments. The basket was filled with all sorts of sweet treats. Drew and I were excited about the Zots. Do you remember how good those things were?
With it was a letter that reminded us of all the Ten Commandments found in Exodus 20:1-17. Attached to each candy bag was a Roman Numeral. The letter instructed us to try and memorize the commandment as we were enjoying that treat. When I was reading this out loud and got to that part the kids all guessed it was from a friend of ours that is a teacher.

There was also this P.S. attached to the letter:
The significance of candy would be that it might, very likely, cause young men to leap...like frogs. All the candy was green with a frog in the center of the basket(fake of course). It told them that intense sugar rush could cause random acts of noise and loss of self-control! If you feel that obeying #5 - which is Honor your father and mother - becomes difficult, discontinue intake at once.
Isn't that so clever!?!

"Be glad in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven." Luke 6:23

Oh how we long for Heaven!! These gifts have been so good at giving us something to smile about. We spent Saturday at the mall. I realized that I had not been in the mall since last year at this time with Brock. Each year all my family comes up from south Georgia to go shopping for what we call "Daddy Curt's Special" We have been doing this tradition since I was a little girl. We all get to pick out something special that my Dad loves to buy for us. Drew pointed out as we were loaded down with packages, that for us, it was the first time in 13 years that we did not have a stroller on this shopping trip. We "sort of" made it through our yearly photo with Santa. When we got in the car to come home, I told Drew I felt a good cry coming on. He said, "Yeah, me too." Days like today are exhausting. I'm not talking physically but emotionally. I say it feels like all day long I am blocking darts from going too deep in my heart. We all missed Brock today, and the memories were on all of our minds. It seemed like he was around every corner, at every passing glance and fleeting moment.

As we were driving out of the parking deck Mason said, "I can't believe Christmas is almost here."
I said, "Why do you say that Mason?"
He said, "Because ever since Brock died it feels like every day is so long....it feels like each day has 48 hours so I can't believe it is now Christmas."

Please pray for us today, as usually after we have a big day of memories like yesterday, we find the next day extremely hard. Thanks for loving us!

A Mix up on the Geese and Swans

Wednesday night when we got home, we found Day 7 on our front porch. At first we thought that we were singing the song wrong when we saw the swans a swimming, but then we saw the Day 7 verse. We weren't sure what to do, but the kids decided to "dive" right in. This package included three of the nicest snorkels I've ever seen and then 5 passes for us to go to the Aquatic Center to swim. The kids were so excited! I'm not sure we will look much like swans, but we will have fun. Barrett even asked me several times today when we could go use the swim tickets.

"He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water.'" John 7:38

Then today we received Day 6. My sweet neighbor Lynn is playing 'elf' for my clever friends. She came to the door and said, "Oops for the mix up." No problem, we are just excited to see whatever day it is.

On Thursday afternoons at 4pm, the time that Brock died, I try to spend some time in Brock's room. I just sit in the rocking chair and pour my heart out to the Lord. I journal, pray and read Scripture from Beth Moore's "Praying God's Word." Today was especially hard as I thought that next Thursday will be Christmas. This is strange...I actually had some feelings of grief over our first Christmas without Brock being over. I know this sounds strange, but I began to think when it is just one of many Christmases without him. I told the Lord I was tired and weary. I knew that meant there was much room for Him to be strong! I have asked Him all day long to be strong as I have felt so weak. (Some of it might be due to Drew being out of town and Barrett and Mason sleeping with me. Between those two restless monkeys, I think I got 2 hours of sleep.) He gave me this verse today as I sat in Brock's room.

(2Cor. 12:9) You say to me, Lord, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Your power may rest on me." (from Praying God's Word)

In the room, I thought about that this Christmas being over would move me further away from the Christmas I last spent with him. The Christmas where he was so excited and so proud of himself for "getting" Christmas. Sitting in Santa's lap, no big deal he crawled right in the middle and then, taking the lead from his big brothers, told Santa just what he wanted. I remember when we got to my parents in Cordele for Christmas. He had just been there for Thanksgiving. He remembered where his bed was and his chair for the table. After he made sure I was putting up his bed, he carried his fold up chair all by himself to the kitchen. He had come to be fully involved and fully enjoy himself.

Every morning Drew and I would wake to a thud (he was still in the same room with us). He would climb out of the pack n' play bed and bump down on the floor. Then we would hear the door turn and then a precious little voice say, "Mema? Daddy Curt?" He would then climb in the bed with them in the next room. Oh sweet memories!

Oh...if I had known.

No...better I had not known.
I had just come out of Brock's room when the package arrived. I know now the mix up was the Lord's doing. The Swans a swimming was clever, awesome and loved, but I needed the Geese a Laying. In the cute container that that silly singing Goose (or rather penguin) is sitting on were green eggs with each of our names on them. There was even one with Brock's name on it. It was so precious to see his name written by someone else.

Inside each egg was scripture for each of us.

Mason opened his first. He began reading.

"God, you are the chief warrior fighting for your people. Set Mason apart to be your warrior for your Kingdom. As Gideon led people to fulfill plans beyond his ability, lead Mason to conquer giants in his life that would only be conquered through you being his mighty warrior.

Judges 6:12 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior."

Mason looked up with a big smile on his face. He yelled, "Barrett come see what your egg has to say." I read mine and stood there and cried. It was perfect for me in that moment. Barrett came and I read his, he just lit up with the light of Christ after hearing the scripture read over him.

"Psalm 126:2 Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nation, "The Lord has done great things for them." Lord, may Barrett shine forth with joy that he would proclaim to the nations your greatness. Use his life to draw many to the Savior that they too would be filled with laughter and songs of joy. May he radiate your goodness and your life."

Isn't that perfect for Barrett!?!

I hesitantly reached for the egg labeled Brock. I was afraid it might be empty.

Through my tears I read....

" Thank you Lord that you hold Brock in the palm of your hand and you have fulfilled the plans for his life. Remind us gentle Savior that your plans for Brock are fulfilled and your plans for us are filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Oh my, God, your word is so powerful. It fell fresh on us this afternoon. It is living and so relevant to my life. I love your word Lord. Thank you for inspiring these friends to use this gift this afternoon in such a special way.

Oh, by the way, when I went to get the eggs to type this post, I noticed that inside the egg with the scripture were Hersey's kisses. Remember how I call reminders of the Lord's love for us a kiss or a hug. Yes, those geese a laying eggs were kisses from the Lord. Thank you friend (whoever you are) for being an instrument for God to use in a mighty way today.

Also, I can't stop telling you about this. There was a box wrapped with one of those beautiful Willow Tree DEMADCO figures. This one as you can see in the lower left corner of the Goose picture is a red haired angel holding the arms of the little boy as he is learning to walk. "Guardian Angel" was the name on the card inside the box. It reminded me of Brock not walking until he was 16 months old. All of us had walked him around with his arms just like this figure. When he finally did take his first steps, he did so with his arms straight up. He was walking on his own, but with his arms like we were holding him. Or maybe, there was an angel there walking him then!?! Oh, here come the tears again. I better go.

Anybody know what the 8th day of Christmas is?