Boys of Fall

Did you hear it? Today there was something in the air that whispered...

Fall is on it's way

While there is not much about the heat and humidity that feels like Fall, I know it's coming. I know this because the trunk of my car looks like this:

(Drew loves the contrast of the pink stroller versus the shoulder pads)

We have all three boys playing football this season. Barrett is playing in the local recreational program.

Asa is playing for the freshman team at the high school.


Mason is playing for the homeschool league's middle school team.


It still brings on a bittersweet thought that, from his birth, we always talked about Brock growing up to be our bruiser football player. With his stocky-thick build and fondness for roughhousing, we would dream about him "knockin people around." As I sit and watch the boys practice now, I can't stop my mind from imagining Brock's unique cadence running down the field. I can even hear them announcing...brought down by Brock 'The Rock' Meadows!

They have all been practicing for a few weeks now. Mason had a game this weekend. Asa and Barrett will each have their first game this week.

Now I am a true Southern Girl; I love to watch football. I can even be found talking about the weekend's games with my girl friends. However, the game became much different when "my boys" started playing. I am not so much afraid of them getting hurt, though I have uttered many prayers from the sidelines, but now that they are "my boys" out there, I am not so excited about the clashing hits. The boys come in from practice sweating from head to toe. They are literally spent...yet they smile as they go to bed talking about tomorrow's practice when they get to do it all over again.

Due to the heat index, Asa's team was legally unable to practice outside so the coach decided to hold practice at 5am - yes in the morning. He had to be there at 4:45AM. They finished football practice at 7:00am. He had to take a shower and eat breakfast at school and then go to class. Can you tell we take our football seriously here in The South!! I was proud of him - he never complained. He was ready to go every day.

Quite frankly, I really don't get it! I don't understand why, but they all love playing the game.

Why shouldn't they, they have had plenty of practice in the yard?!


They love the physical contact and all the exertion that goes with it.


Every bruise on their boyhood body is a medal of honor. The sound of the colliding helmets and pads is invigorating. Just like the hard lesson they've learned in life - when they get knocked down, they have to strengthen their weakened knees and get back up...with the help of the Lord.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Hebrews 12:11-12

I guess, in a not so little way.........I do get it.

I have to admit I cried when I watched this video. Kenny Chesney's song has quickly become one of our favorites. Enjoy!

***Warning - there is an ugly word (the A-word) at 2:05. Turn down your volume or cough at that point if you are watching with kids. ***

Where I've Been

A more appropriate title should be, Where Everybody Else in the Family has Been.

I have actually been at home while the boys have gone to exciting places around the country and continent. All is well, but I admit, it was a bit too much motion for my 9-month pregnant soul. I can't believe that the date on my last post is October 2. Please tell me today is not the 26th!! I feel as if I should apologize to you faithful readers. I am sorry! I will warn you...reading this post may make you as exhausted as I am...and so are the two snoring boys next to me.

The first week of October we had a Fall Break from school. We were off for the whole week. My first thought was to not take the time off but keep on pushing so I would be ahead when the baby comes. However, after schooling for about 8 weeks, I could see our schedule slipping a bit and decided we probably needed the week off. I delved into cleaning out closets...not Brock's closet, just all the others in the house.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. " Matthew 6: 19-20.

I am always so convicted by this verse when I start to clean out. How did I accumulate all these "treasures"? We just moved 5 years ago. I felt like I did a drastic clean-out then. The amount of time it takes to clean out, rearrange, dust, organize and make decisions about this stuff makes me just want to scream. It definitely takes away from any time I could spend storing up treasures in Heaven. I debated for weeks in my mind before starting the cleaning out process...Do I sell it on eBay? Have a garage sale? Or just drive it all to the thrift store for donation? That cluttered my mind and time too. ARRRHHHH!

The next week, I felt swamped by all the mess I had made. We started back to school. Trying to get back on schedule made me think perhaps the break was not worth it. Mid-week we decided to have a garage sale on Friday. So the mess continued to grow all week until we could move it outside Friday morning.

Friday Morning, October 16th, Drew and Asa got up at 4 am. They put out our garage sale signs about 4:30am while heading to the airport to drop Asa off. He flew to North Dakota to hunt with my parents. Some of you may remember he did this last year. It was such a blessing spending time with my father. Drew got home around 7 am. We quickly set up the junk, I mean wonderful earthly treasures, we were trying to convince others to take off our hands. Eight hours later we had almost $600 in hand.

Tired but contented, we went back inside to realize we forgot 4 items that would have sold easily. The reason we forgot - they were in Brock's closet! I caught Drew in a glazed stare in Brock's room. Having to pull the items from the closet was hard. Realizing that we did not have a 4-year old to enjoy them was even harder. Oh, how we miss him!

We doggedly loaded the rest on the back of the trailer and took it straight to our church-sponsored new thrift store. Even though I was tired, I felt such a relief to be rid of all the clutter. A small taste of freedom, for sure.

This past week, Drew once again got up at 4am and headed out for the airport. This time he took Mason. They traveled to Matamoros, Mexico for a father- son mission trip to build houses, do prison ministry and orphan ministry. This is a trip he took Asa on when he was in 6th grade. When we talked about it in the late summer, it seemed really far away from when the baby would be born. But last week it made us both a little nervous with only three weeks to go. While they were gone, I picked Asa up from the airport. He had a great trip. Last year, because he rode in the RV with my parents, he took his books and did school while he was gone. This year he flew, so there was not room to take his books. The end of last week was wild, trying to help him catch up on his school.

With prayer warriors in full strength, Drew and Mason made it home this past Sunday night. I cried as they walked in the door. Drew said, "Why are you crying, I made it home and you did not have the baby?!" I said, "That is exactly why I'm crying." Tears of joy, relief and blessing. I think I held my breath a bit while he was gone.

I was one happy mama as I took in the sights and sounds of everyone trying to tell of their adventures all at the same time...Asa telling of hunting tales from North Dakota, Barrett telling of his new flag football spin-move and Mason telling of the precious kids he played with in the Mexican orphanage. Drew and I caught each others eyes and smiled...ahhh, life is good!

God I Praise You! Thank you for allowing safe travels for everyone and great adventure for all. While the "safe" part of me just wanted to keep everyone at home and say no to all the opportunities, you call us outside of ourselves so that you can work. I am glad I trusted in Your goodness. You provided blessings once again...beyond what we could imagine. AMEN

Way cool!

The other day, as Mason and I were riding in the car, we began talking about the baby. We talked about the usual.... what we think it is and what we will name it. We talked for a while and then Mason said, "You know what I think is so cool!? That God gets to pick out exactly what this baby is and what it will look like." While my first thought was to make this a teachable moment about genetics, I am glad the big lump in my throat stopped me. As tears began to well up in my eyes, the only thing I could say was, "Yeah that is neat." As nothing else was said, I sat with Mason's words and thought..."There it is again, that childlike faith!" You see, Mason at age 11 knows about the birds and the bees but hasn't yet studied biology. I thought, how easily my knowledge of X and Y , recessive and dominant had clouded the wonder of what God was doing in my womb. Remembering how God is soooo into details, I began to smile as I thought of Him selecting the details of this little one. Knitting them all together in a beautiful way. I know this baby will be His perfect selection and creation.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. Psalm 139:13

Being 21 weeks along we have gotten several peaks with the help of the sonogram at what God has been up to:


The latest was last week. The baby was very active and moved around a lot. We got to see it move it's mouth and hands and arms. One neat thing was to see the blood flow from the umbilical cord to the baby. It was an overwhelming feeling of life....flesh and blood; one God is so carefully creating for us in this perfect time of His. Drew and I both talked later at how the moment the blood flow flashed on the screen, something came over us. To think that we are just beginning to get to know this little life that God already knows completely.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;...Jeremiah 1:5

We are so grateful to get a sneak peek at this wonderful gift God is creating for us. And by the way, for those of you wondering, we still purposely don't know what the baby is :)

Daddy's Hands

In 2006, we made our annual trip to Burt's Pumpkin Farm. A picture was taken of our family by the father of a my friend Jen. They gave us an edited copy, and it hangs in our mudroom by the backdoor. I love looking at it. Shortly after Brock died, I noticed for the first time that Drew and Brock were holding hands.


I got in my mind that I wanted to blow up just that part of the picture for Drew for Father's Day. After several attempts of my own Photoshop tactics, I headed to Wolf Camera for some help. I had the nicest guy, Jason, that helped me. The resolution on the picture was low because it had already been Photoshop'd to remove a lady in the background. Trying to blow up such a small area kept coming out 'not so good'. Jason continued to help me for three days. When I picked the picture up on Saturday, I took a quick look and dashed to buy a frame. As I slipped the photo in the frame at home and propped it in a chair to look at it, I started to sob. The thought that Drew was holding the hand of a child that we can no longer hold was too much. We live with that reality every day but sometimes it comes and slaps me in the face. In that moment, I can't think of the hope of Heaven or even how thankful I am to have had even one day to hold that precious hand...all I can feel is the ache in my empty hands and arms.

I called the boys in to look at the picture. I asked them if they knew what it was. They all immediately answered, "Daddy's hands holding Brockie's." I asked them to go write Daddy a Father's Day card and use the theme of 'Daddy's Hands.' I asked them to think of things they like to do with Daddy and his hands. (After a brief time of trying to convince me they would do it on Sunday morning), they went off and wrote their cards for Drew.

My card included things like carrying all the boys from a young age. They were all big babies and so, after a few months, they got so heavy that when it was the two of us, Drew was usually carrying the little one. Etched in my mind is the silhouette of Drew carrying Brock in his arms to and from church. With his hands he taught them to throw a ball, swing a bat, whittle a stick, build a car(boxcar), ride a bike, mow the lawn. His hands have brushed their teeth and pulled their teeth. His hands have picked them up when they were too tired to walk. Hands that have embraced them when they were hurt. His hands have protected them from harm and provided for their needs. His hands have held the pages of a thousand books for exciting bedtime stories. His hands have brushed back their hair so he could kiss their forehead. Most of all his hands have loved them and pointed them to the One who loves them more than he does. I love the man that these hands belong to.
With permission, I am including part of what our Mason, age 11, wrote. He wrote a note and then wrote a poem. Here is the poem:

My Daddy's Hands

At the age of zero,
soft and loving when I was just born.

At the age of 2 holding my hands up and
teaching me how to walk.

At the age of 5,
showing me how to throw a baseball.

At the age of 7,
holding my hands as we walk through a
Georgia Football game so I don't get lost.

At the age of 9,
showing me how to do math problems.

At the age of 11,
clapping whenever I make a good play or score in baseball.

In Heaven,
wrapping your hands around Me, Mom, Asa, Barrett, new baby, and Brockie.
Then we will be one big family with a Daddy with big loving hands.

Indeed when we get to Heaven we will all be together and we will also get to see the hands of our Heavenly Father. The one who put the stars in place, painted the sky beautiful shades of pink and blue at sunset and gives the flowers their magnificent beauty. The hands that grew from a little baby to a young boy working with wood like his father. The hands that healed the sick, the blind and the lame. The hands that multiplied the fish and the bread to feed everyone. The hands that were pierced with stakes as they stretched out on a cross because he was thinking of me...and you. The hands that welcomed my Brockie into Heaven. The hands that hold him now until I can again. The hands that held me after Brock died when I could not stand on my own. The hands that reached in and soothed my breaking heart. The hands that provided for our every need when we could not think for ourselves. The hands that took me by my right hand and guided me ever so gently through this dark valley. The hands that preserved my life. The hands that lately have been knitting a new life in my womb....Oh, how I love the nail scarred hands of my Savior!

The Story

Late yesterday afternoon we learned that due to the rain from the morning, our baseball games were canceled. In trying to decide what to do with our time we remembered we were considering the music program that our church choir was doing. We did not think that we could because of schedule conflicts and honestly, it was not in our 'new' budget. As Drew and I talked about it we decided we would use a gift card for our Anniversary dinner (which is tomorrow) and go to the choir program. What a blessing we received! If you are in the Atlanta area, make plans tonight to go to the Cobb Energy Center to hear the Johnson Ferry Choir and Orchestra's presentation of "The Story." It will definitely prepare your heart for Easter.

As we walked up toward the ticket window a lady stepped away from a group and asked, "Do you have tickets?" We said, "No, we are about to buy them." She said, "How many do you need?" We said, "5." She began counting out five tickets and handed them to us. We offered to pay and she said, "No just receive it as a gift from Holt Rd Baptist in Marietta." Drew and I both looked at each other with tears in our eyes. Wow Lord, you take care of our every need. But our greatest need was about to be met as we sat for over an hour in the presence of the Lord. Feeling Him, Thinking on Him and Worshiping Who He is.

The Cobb Energy Center is a "new" venue in town. None of us had been there. It is a beautiful building but definitely a theater or concert hall feel. The program began by calling upon the Lord to be welcome and present. Oh! He was! As the room became a sanctuary, the presence of the Lord fell all over us. The music was beautiful. I cried through most of it. Since Brock died I haven't sat through one worship service without a tear falling at some point. I am always so moved by the words and music. I am either overcome with what the Lord has done for me, who He is or my deep longing to sing praises to Him for Eternity in Heaven. Often I find myself wondering what Brock hears in Heaven. How beautiful the music must be in its perfect form and how beautiful the angels must sound! When I wasn't crying I was smiling at Barrett. About every 5 minutes he would lean over and tell me a "new" person he recognized. There is Mrs. Rebekah my piano teacher, there is Carter's mom, there is Mr. Johnson, there is my choir teacher..... this went on all night long. He was so excited to see these people on stage. When the soloist sang the most beautiful arrangement of the old hymn, Are you washed in the Blood? he leaned over to me and said, "Mom, white as snow, remember?" I said. "Yeah that's you, Barrett." Asa's favorite part was the sand artist. Have you seen this? (click on the words sand artist, show your kids) He was on stage and creating while the choir sang a couple of songs. It was amazing. His final picture was one from the perspective of Jesus looking from the inside of the tomb out. The linens were laying folded and the stone rolled away with light bursting forth. It was beautiful.

Mason commented that his favorite part was when the two drama ladies talked about the custom of the folded napkin. The reader theater type drama throughout the concert was two ladies in a coffee shop (named HeBrews) talking about how some of our modern day customs originated with the Bible. The last custom they talked about is the custom of the folded napkin. She tells how in Jewish or Hebrew life it was customary for the servant to lay a folded napkin at the table for the Master. The servant would stand out of the way but still pay attention to the needs of the Master. If the Master would get up from the table and crumble his napkin that meant he was finished...BUT if he folded the napkin neatly, it meant he was coming back. The cloth that covered Jesus' face when he was placed in the tomb was neatly folded when the women went back to find the tomb empty. John 20:7 ...as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. The cloth was folded to say, "I am coming back." He is coming back! When he does I will no longer imagine what the music sounds like in Heaven, I will join with the angels singing, Holy Holy Holy!!

The evening was wonderful. I won't mention names but one child did say, "I am so so sorry that I said I did not want to come."

Sunshine and a Few Reviews

This morning as I walked into the den the sun was shining so bright through the windows that I could not see. Thank you Lord for the Sun. I am feeling much better. Thank you for praying. I worry sometimes when I write about my feelings that I will come across as depressed. My feelings are usually how I am feeling in my "moments." As time has moved my grief along, my moments have gotten further apart. In the early days, all there was were "moments." As time has passed my moments are still filled with deep ache. It is that there is now more time between the "moments." This allows for me to catch my breath in between. I think of Brock all the time, all day long. The "moments" are those times when the pain really grabs me or the reality of the situation is too much. I share the moments to be real. Hope they are not depressing but possibly helpful to those of you who read that have been through similar situations.

This weekend we rented the movie, Amazing Grace. This is based on the true story of
William Wilberforce's 17 year quest to abolish the British involvement in the West Indies Slave Trade. It was great. We all watched it, even Barrett - age 6. It was a great story of how God calls you to do something and all the while He is working but the timing is still His. The hymn the movie gets its title from, Amazing Grace, is written by English hymn writer and pastor,
John Newton, who repented of being a slave ship captain. He had the greatest line as he said "My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things, that I am a great sinner and that Christ is a great Savior." The movie sparked some great historical dialogue with our kids.

Saturday Night we went to see Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D. A sweet friend, Josie, had given Mason a movie gift card for his Birthday last year. His 10th birthday came the week after Brock died. He had not yet used it so he said jokingly, "Since I don't have a girlfriend or anything can we all just use the card to go see a movie?!" I found 2 gift cards we had been given as a thank you three years ago. The back of the card said they may be expired so I asked the girl to check. She said, "Not expired, they are good." What a deal! We took all of us to the theatre for $10. We always wait and go to the dollar movie so this was a real treat for all. The movie was cute. The boys loved it. They have quoted lines from it since Saturday night. Unfortunately they haven't quoted any lines from Amazing Grace. Their favorite quote is from the blue blob character named Bob. He says, "I know I don't have a brain, but I have a really good idea." I have heard that now too many times. They laugh so hard each time. The movie was fun. I don't think it ranks up there with Cars or even Monsters, Inc. It is worth the wait till the dollar movie unless you have gift cards.

I noticed in the flyer that came from our local Christian Book Store, Sweet Spirit, that the
Jesus Storybook Bible is on sale for $10.19. Sweet Spirit is a Parable Bookstore if you have one of those near you. This would make a great Easter Gift for your family. We just recently got ours and we love it! Our dear friends the Goodwins donated a copy recently to our church library in memory of Brock. The libriarian always lets us have the book for a few weeks before she puts it into circulation. We fell in love with it so we bought one of our own. All of us love to listen. There is something for all to get from the reading. The author, Sally Lloyd-Jones does a beautiful job pointing out in every story from Genesis to Revelation how each story points to Jesus. It is just great. It will become one of your family favorites.

Why I Love Boys

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to {laugh at him} help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:10 {humor added by me}

The day Brock Came

Thank you so much for your prayers, thoughts, cards, hugs, emails and pictures. They were precious reminders from the Lord of how much He cares for us.

Our day was up and down. I must have asked the Lord a thousand times why couldn't Brock just be here for us to celebrate him here. I longed several times for God to just come and take us all to Heaven so that we could all be together. Thinking of Brock turning 4 was not comforting. Mason said that thought made him feel like Brock was becoming someone he did not know. We assured him that when he finally sees Brock again, he will fully know him. Oh Lord, this journey is so hard. Thank You we have You to cling to.

So, we tried to focus our celebration on the day Brock came into our lives. God was so sweet to bring us great memories all day long. Our day was sprinkled with joy as we received pictures of your balloon releases. We went to the grave side as a family around 2:30 and lost track of time. It was a time of tears and laughs as we watched our balloons dodge the tree limbs as they tip-toed into the crystal blue, cloudless sky. We each talked about our favorite thing we liked about Brock.

Here's what we said, Barrett...."He was my friend and was always there to play with", Mason..."there was always life and noise when Brock was around, there was never a dull moment, he brought so much happiness to our lives, I also liked the way he touched so many lives in his short life, more than I have touched in all my life," Asa..."It was a privilege to be his big brother because everybody thought he was so cute, I liked his crooked teeth when he smiled", Drew...."I liked his laugh and smile and the way he would run, his energy, his cadence", Me...."I liked his rough little voice, his own language and his hugs that wrapped around my neck and his head on my shoulder."

We sang Happy Birthday and God our Father (we thank you-for our little Brockie). Then, we let our balloons go. This made us laugh and cry.

The moon was already out. We watched Asa's balloon until it seemed as if it were higher than the moon. We imagined a closet full of balloons where Jesus keeps all the balloons for the children. Asa said he found himself imagining Brock on a play ground and Jesus giving him a balloon and then Brock getting to share all the others that were released with all the other children in Heaven. We don't know if there are balloons in Heaven, but we do know that it is far better than we could even imagine or hope.

We ended our time with each of us praying and thanking God for the gift of Brock in our life.
On our way home I thought...what a beautiful sky the Lord painted for us to release balloons into. Then when we arrived home and received all your photos on the computer, we were so overwhelmed. They are beautiful. Such a kiss from the Lord. I am going to try really hard tomorrow to get them up. If you haven't yet sent yours, you can still do so. I'll just add them as they come in. God used this little idea to bless us in huge ways. Again, more than we could have even imagined.

We thank you. Once again you allowed the Lord to use you to help us through a really sad, bittersweet day. God Bless you. We love you.

When we finished our time praying at the cemetery, Barrett said, "Mama, while you were praying I lifted my head up and looked at the sky and I saw Jesus holding Brock's hand and leading him. "

We all were speechless. Jesus loves the little children.

Unexpected Guests

You may remember that we received this bird feeder on Day Four of our "12 Days of Christmas". The tag attached read "For Calling Birds." We have so enjoyed seeing the birds come to feed. It was helpful when Mason had to keep a bird log for his Animal Science. Barrett has made it his job to remind his Daddy when they need to refill it with food. Asa has done a good job restraining from 'picking off' the little birdies with his BB gun. Yes, our old Copper Bird Feeder had a few BB dings that made their way in the side of it four years ago. Oh, it takes great restraint when you are born with that outdoor hunting gene yet live in the middle of the suburbs! My Grandmother B. used to say it was 'just born' in her boys. I didn't understand but now I do.

Well, yesterday afternoon, I yelled for Asa to get his shotgun...I mean his video camera. I was getting off the treadmill (first time in almost two weeks so that is important to mention) when I looked outside the basement window that is below the bird feeder. At first I thought, "Oh there are the geese from the lake in the neighborhood down the hill." Then as I looked again I noticed they weren't geese but TURKEYS! And there were 7 of them! This may not be a surprise to those of you who live in the country. But folks, we live in a highly populated area of Metro Atlanta. Our home does sit on some acreage and we have seen some creatures other than your regular squirrels and chipmunks like deer, foxes and hawks but never Seven Turkeys!!. Our chocolate lab Dakota was even out in the front yard.

Asa's commentary on his video is, "There are seven turkeys outside our basement window. Oh my gosh, I am shaking." The birds hung around for about thirty minutes. We got some up close viewing time. We called Daddy Curt on the phone and described the turkeys to him. He informed us they were all males or young 'jakes.'

I have to admit while I sat there and watched them feed I thought about the story in the Bible where God sends His chosen people, the Israelites, manna and quail from heaven. As told in the book of Exodus 16, the story takes place as they have been led by Moses out of captivity in Egypt into the wilderness. God provided for their every need, every day. They are hot, tired, hungry and begin to grumble. They forget all that God has done for them; the way He has led them and protected them. But God in His goodness provides food for them by sending manna and quail from Heaven. I know quail are a little smaller than turkeys but hey, God can send turkeys. I thought 7 turkeys would surely supply us some meat to eat for a month or two. I have been trying to save on my grocery bill. In this economy, I was real tempted to let Asa take a shot!

The event did provide some excitement to our day. It reminded me you never know what lies ahead especially when you are in the "wilderness."

I have found myself in some sort of "wilderness" the past two weeks. I am still asking the Lord to search me and reveal what it is and when He does I'll be able to put my finger on it. Until then I think it is just a combination of everything. It has been very emotional coming off the year anniversary of Brock's death. I was so glad we made it through January without anyone being sick. However February has found us a little yucky; our emotions and our physical bodies. I had the cold thing the first week. Then last week I took Asa into the Doctor's office with a fever and headache. Our precious doctor, Dr.Bob Smith explained that January this year was very slow and that they have been seeing so many viruses, including flu again this month. I just started to cry. I secretly had hoped we had made it through this year's season without being sick. Turns out Asa did not have the flu but did have strep.

Well, today Mason woke up with a fever. I know in my head not to fear and that we are not exempt from sicknesses for the rest of our life. Believe me, I have asked God if that were possible. Yet something in my stomach tightens when I feel their forehead hot with fever and they are achy all over like the flu. I speak words of encouragement and assurance to them while asking the Lord to help me believe the words I am saying.

This morning while I was getting ready, I was having a conversation with the Lord ( I was a little grumpy) in explaining that this was not what I had hoped for my day today. For some strange reason He reminded me of the Turkeys from yesterday. I didn't know they were part of my day yesterday. How come we easily accept the good but see the bad as an inconvenience? You see even though the turkeys were not my "manna and quail" for the table they served as my manna from the Lord. They reminded me that God is with me providing all I need. They reminded me that my life is His, and I have asked Him to show me what He has for me each day. They remind me that He knows what my day holds. They reminded me of how much He has done for me. Oh Lord let me never forget:

When times are good, be happy but when times are bad consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore a man can not discover anything about his future." Ecc 7:14

All of it serves for my refinement if I will let it. Thank you Lord!

A prayer for you, a prayer for me

Hey y'all! I have been thinking a lot lately about all of you sweet people that take the time to read my blog. I pray for you each time I come to my blog. I don't know what situation you may be in the middle of in your life when you read this, but God knows. I pray for who He has that will come across each post. Thank you so much also for your encouraging comments on the blog. They mean so much. Welcome also to those of you that are new! I am so humbled you want to join us in seeing God weave our hurt into His beauty.

I have been busy lately as I was down at Scottish Rite Children's Hospital three times last week. Thankfully it was with my healthy children visiting friends of theirs. Our neighbor friend, Steven, had some fluid drained off his hip. He found out he has a chrionic condition and will have to give up baseball. Our dear 12 year old friend, Lily, was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. She is doing ok and has been an example of trust as she has overcome her horrible fear of needles. I am praying both these kids will continue to trust in the Lord when they are afraid. (Psalm 56:3-4)

I was doing okay with all the hospital sights and sounds until we were leaving from our last visit. As we walked out the double doors, a wave of grief washed over me. I have been caught in that why? and what if? cycle for the past couple of days. Please pray for me. The winter smell in the air, the crisp breeze, the events that are so similar to last year have made for such intense feelings of missing Brock. Pray also for our health. With hearing people talk about being sick, as happens this time of year, I have found myself fearing that we will get sick again. Pray that we can all stay healthy over the next week just so we don't have to experience that similarity.

As all our thoughts have begun to turn toward January 31st, the day Brock died, we have all experienced a bit of a sad feeling. Continue to pray for each of us to deal straight on with our emotions. Mason our second son has been waking up at night with nightmares about Brock. As he tries to go back to sleep he can't get the dreams out of his head. Please pray for him as this is completely normal given the trauma of Brock's sudden death. Lack of sleep isn't doing any of us any good.

Please also pray as we try to finialize plans for what we want to do on the 31st. If God lays any ideas on your heart about how to honor that day of Brock's homecoming, feel free to share. I will let you all know when we firm up our ideas. Thank you all so much for getting on your knees for us. We love you. Nita